m&m's - my favorite antidepressant

...although chocolate covered fudge coated bon bons are also good. (Does anyone have any of those? Someone should send me some....)

Every few months since I found out I was expecting our 4th child I begin hating our house and looking around at all the for sale signs around us.

It's a vicious cycle.

The hatred builds up slowly. And then I see I really good deal on a nearby house (and there are some REALLY good deals right now.) Yeah, too bad for us - we refinanced at the highest peak in real estate and now owe BILLLLLLLIONS of dollars more than our house is worth.

Ok, not billions.

Millions.

Or maybe $30,000. Whatever.

But still I think of some crazy unintelligent plan of how we could get out of this house and buy that really nice one in the subdivision next to us, because IT HAS A PLAYROOM and REAL CLOSETS and A BACKYARD and A PANTRY that is also NOT the laundry room/garage entry. It even has those fancy faux hardwood floors that kick our crappy tile's ugly butt.

And then I really get into my plan. And I start collecting house flyers and calling real estate agents and I make my husband call and talk to lenders. Because it's REALLY going to happen this time.

You see where this is going, right?

It doesn't take long for reality to round-house kicks me Chuck Norris style and then I have to buy LOTS and LOTS of M&M's. Because, let's face it - we're stuck here.....FORRRREEEEEEVVVEEEERRRRRRR. Or until the housing market turns around and we can gain some equity (but that optimistic outlook would really crush my bad mood.)

Not that we have a horrible house, and really I should just feel lucky to own a house of any kind. So why don't I just feel grateful for what I have? Because I'm in a the middle of an M&M depression pity party, and I will cry if I feel like it.

And really what's wrong with wanting a better home for my children? (See how I'm pretending like the house would be for them? Right.)

And now I'm going to list the things I hate most about my house - because I want to whine a little bit more - and also it will help you appreciate your house more when you hear about how intolerably horrible it is to live here.

1. The kids have to share rooms. Because there are only 3 in this house, and as soon as the baby is a few months older she is not sharing MY room anymore. The thing that stinks about this sharing thing is that the closets in their rooms are PUNY. Really really puny. And their clothes are small now - so what's it going to be like in 5 years when they are all long and huge and stuff? Ugh.

2. We don't have a backyard. Whoever thought that was a good idea - idiot. We have an alley facing garage, so the only yard we get is either in the front where we aren't allowed to have a fence (and which everyone around us thinks is a public space - seriously, GET OFF OUR LAWN.) Or we can go in the side yard - or should I say the 8x12 foot space between the houses that is full of gravel and weeds. And I always love saying, "Hey kids, go play in the rocks!!!"

3. At night my best dreams have play rooms in them. My husband doesn't understand - probably because any man's best dream has to have some kind of sexual act in it, and I would totally take a play room over that ANY day. Because I would really like to have a place for the kids to play that wasn't on top of me all day. I might actually be able to make meals and do chores without tripping over them and going completely insane when they won't leave me alone for 15 minutes so I won't burn the rice-a-roni like last time.

4. Our pantry/laundry room/garage entrance is pathetic to say the least. I'm not getting into this because I could go on for awhile. Don't ask me about it either - you'll regret it.

See how I can't stay here another minute? See how I can hate it? See? SEEEEEE?!

See how I'm really just whining because my bag of M&M's is gone and I hate dealing with not getting everything that I want RIGHT NOW?

Yeah, go ahead and tell me - I should just get over it and be happy with my house. Because some people live like this for crying out loud. And what's wrong me anyway? Sheesh.

But I still think I might need some chocolate covered fudge coated bon bons to get over it. And I'll probably come up with some stupid plan in another few months only to go through the cycle again, because, obviously, I never learn. And eventually one of my plans has to work!