Jun 23, 2010

custom order GIVE AWAY

You heard me.  I'm giving something away.

WEEKS ago I mentioned that I had crocheted some new super cute shirt/dresses.  I doubt you remember.  But still.  I did mention it.

I finally listed them in my etsy shop.  See, MY ETSY SHOP.  (Fancy, no?)

Anyways, I'm giving one away.  They look like this:

Two cool things: you get to pick your own size and color AND I make them so that they grow with your kid.  Because I hate how my kids grow out of their clothes so fast.  The blue and pink/green ones are Two Bits and Number Four's.  They share them. 

Yeah, my 2 year old and almost 7 year old can both wear them. 

Have I made my point?

What?  No?  Ok, here's proof:

(I also recruited my niece and neighbor girls for photos.  THANKS MICHELLE AND COURTNEY.)

So, if you want one.  FOR FREE.  You just have to help me advertise for my etsy shop.  Because it really reeeeeeally needs help in the whole advertising department.  Just leave me a comment with a link to where you talk about how completely wonderful and awesome and totally the coolest and most well-made shirts I have in my etsy shop.

(How many times can I link to my etsy shop before google gets mad at me?)

I'll randomly draw a winner in like a week.  Or two.  Hmmmm, I'm not sure.  How about a week?  Which would make it June 30th.  At noon MST.  Or later.  Depending on if I actually remember to draw a name right at noon. Which probably won't be the case.  But I'll remember later that day, so don't think you have extra time to squeeze in, 'cause you won't.  I mean it.

And, in case you're wondering, because you are, I know it, I also make these:

Ok, now go advertise. 

Go go go. 

It's totally worth winning one.  I am an excellent crocheter.  I could totally kick any grandma's shriveled behind in the crocheting department.  Seriously.  (Which makes me a huge dweeb, but it's not like you didn't already know that.)

Jun 20, 2010

I am an artist.

I really am.

But not one of those deeply moving, "what do you mean you don't understand my painting, it's BLUE" kind of artists.  I'm more like one of those "oh hey, a pen and a napkin, doodle doodle doodle" kind of artists.  Because I do it for fun.  And yeah, for money.  But still.  Fun....most of the time.

But I feel like branching into new mediums.  Do you know how long it's been since I painted?  Like with something other than finger paints or the kids' water colors where all the colors are mixed so they just come out brown anyway?

It's been awhile.  I've been itching to paint for months.

I've also wanted to let Monkey loose on a canvas for awhile.  He's not like my other kids (who all carry mine and Husband's arty genes) who like to draw endless pictures of unicorns, princesses, transformers or dinosaurs.  Monkey likes to feel his art.  He'll probably end up being one of those deeply moving types.  And I'll have to pretend to understand all of his blue paintings while I doodle on his art gala program.

So one of these days I'm going to buy a bunch of canvases and some paint that isn't dried up from years of non-use, and strip the Monkey to a diaper ('cause it's going to be messy) so we can both paint our little hearts out.

In the meantime, I've just been experimenting with other art forms.

Like this:

I call it "Big Butted Mother and Child (who does not have a big butt, but probably caused the big butt)"

After my shower the other day I had a wad of hair on my hand that wouldn't come off due to wet fingers.   So I got annoyed and flung the hair wad at the shower curtain and it landed in a way that made me want to stand there, all drippy, and finish the picture.  And then I had to hurry and throw on some clothes so I could grab the camera before the curtain dried.  (And can I just say that it's not exactly easy getting a decent picture of hair on a clear shower curtain?  Luckily my hair is black right now, it would have been seriously tragic had I decided to go blond.)

I was thinking about starting a collection of hair wad artwork.  But, honestly, I just don't have time to do art in the shower every day.  And who am I kidding?  I don't shower every day.  You should all know that by now.

Maybe I can just do my painting studies with hair wads, and get the canvases for something more....better than hair wads.

P.S. Here is a picture of my little Number Four, because no one ever reads my private family blog these days, and this picture deserves some attention:

Isn't she great?  Earlier in they day she was wearing a Snow White dress and red cowboy boots that were 4 sizes too big.  I feel that it's important to have fashion oriented toddlers.  And boy is she ever.

P.P.S. I had to yell at my kids to get this picture to give to Husband for Father's Day.  I think I scared off our neighbors way before this, but now they know not to mess with me when I'm holding a camera.

Look at their happy little faces.  You can't even tell that I made them all cry.  And we ended up with a picture, which is good, because otherwise Husband would have just gotten an empty frame for his desk at work.

Jun 10, 2010

because I'm really good at killing things

I murdered our washing machine.

It was actually the washing machine I got from my cousin when she moved because I had already murdered my old washing machine.

So Husband tried to fix it.  Because whenever we'd turn it on, it wouldn't spin but instead emit a horrendously foul odor.  (I like to compare the odor to that of a melted vacuum belt - because I'm pretty good at killing vacuums too, so it's a common smell here.)

Turns out Husband has no idea how to fix washing machines.

Luckily a guy in our ward does.

Unluckily, the washing machine was totally unfixable.

So now Husband is trying to fix the old washing machine.  Because I told him about 5 billion times to get it out of our garage, so of course that meant it wasn't going anywhere.

And here's to hoping Husband can actually fix this one (or the guy in our ward- I'm not picky.)  Because if it doesn't get fixed, I'm going to set up a donation button on my sidebar titled "Operation Washing Machine."  But mostly because the only other option is heading to the river and beating our dirty clothes on rocks.

It must be my week to kill things, because yesterday I burned off about half of my taste buds.  No joke.  I'm pretty sure half of my tongue is dead.

I was too scared to look in a mirror so I asked Husband if my tongue was charred black and all sooty.  He said that it looked pink to him and then he rolled his eyes.  So I had to smack him.  But it didn't even make me feel better.

I also kill plants and small animals.

Not this week though.

But never give me a frog.  Because you're just asking for a funeral.  I think my frog killing record is about 12 hours.  As in, 12 hours after I got the frog, it was stiff and floating.

It's really a wonder my kids are still alive.

However they are running around naked these days.  Because, you know, I  murdered the washing machine.

Jun 9, 2010

school's out......FINALLY

Are my kids the only ones that go to school into June?

In celebration of today being the last day of school we played all afternoon.  And when I say "all afternoon" I really mean from 4:00-5:30, because the school day here ends really late.

We all went outside (well, not all of us, because Opie has been spending a considerable amount of time in time-outs the past few days, so he came out a few minutes after every one else.)

The kids had Otter Pops.

I grabbed a shovel.  The stupid shorty shovel that Husband bought, that I curse everytime I shovel anything.  It's like half the size of a real shovel.  STUPID SHORTY SHOVEL.

I started to dig out the spot where I want to plant a garden (yeah, I know I better hurry if I even want to grow anything.  But with the weird-o cold weather, I figure I can't be that far behind, right?)

I let the kids play with the hose.  All they wanted.  And get as wet as they wanted.  In their clothes.  For as long as they wanted.

I cursed the stupid shorty shovel, but kept digging.....and digging.  Something I hate worse than stupid shorty shovels are stupid long rooted weeds.  STUPID LONG ROOTED WEEDS.

I finished with the weeds, and started laying in some blocky bricky things for the edges of my garden (see how serious I am about this garden thing?  Ok, mostly the blocky bricky things are so Husband doesn't run over my garden when he mows the lawn.  'Cause he's kind of a lazy mower.  But I'm still serious about this garden thing, and a serious garden deserves blocky bricky edges.)

The kids' screams turned from happy sounds into wailing sounds.  I noticed that Monkey and Number Four were purple (that's what happens when you have low muscle tone....and wussy circulation). 

The kids were shivering.  I was sweating.

I made the kids strip at the door. 

I praised the bathtub gods who granted us two. 

I got warm water running downstairs.  I got warm water running upstairs.  I got the girls in the shower downstairs.  I got the boys in the shower upstairs.  I put shampoo in the girls' hair downstairs.  I put shampoo in the boys' hair upstairs.  I rinsed out the girls' shampoo and got them out of the shower downstairs.  I rinsed the boys' shampoo and got them out of the shower upstairs.  And then I ran downstairs to get a diaper for Monkey.  And then I ran upstairs to get all the kids dressed.

I cursed the bathtub gods who put our tubs on different floors.

I sweated some more.

I plugged the kids into a movie.

I took a cold shower.  Which was good, because after running two previous showers, at the same time, and cursing the bathtub gods, only cold water was left.

And then I made dinner.

Happy First Afternoon of Summer!!!! 

(We will not be doing this every day.  Even though I didn't even have to exercise this evening, after all of that.  And when I say "this evening" I mean tuesday evening....although it's technically wednesday morning - but since I get to sleep in tomorrow, I'm still partying...at 2 AM.)

Jun 5, 2010

tomato anxiety

Yesterday there was almost a tornado here.  We don't exactly live in tornado country, but we live in gale force wind country so hearing a tornado warning wasn't a massive shocker (if they had said tsunami, then yeah, shock). 

Of course, the warning happened just when I needed to pick Two Bits up from school.  As we got ready to jump in the car I mentioned the tornado to Opie.  Which was a really stupid idea (I should have known better).  Because when I told him what a tornado was, he commenced in a full-on anxiety freak out. 

First he spouted off about 35 questions like, "What are we going to do?!  Where will we hide?!!  Is it going to suck up all of my stuff?!!!!"

Then he got Monkey involved and the boys started running in circles screaming, "DON'T LET THE TOMATO GET US!!!!!"

My imagination does a pretty good job at scaring me about things like tornadoes without my kids having their own panic attacks.  So as I was saying stuff like, "Knock it off, we're not even going to see the tornado, and we'll be just fine, please stop screaming"  I was imagining all of my kids being sucked up into a whirling mass that was also carrying an old farm house and a witch on a bicycle.

Turns out it never touched ground, so technically we can only call it a funnel cloud.  And while I was out doing the school pick up routine I saw the funnel cloud, and pondered it, but didn't quite realize I was looking at a could-be tornado.  Which was probably for the best.

Jun 3, 2010

I just can't think of a title google would approve of for this post...

One of my sons is shooting Storm Troopers on our old Nintendo 64.  And the other one?  He's having a tea party and picking his nose.

Sometimes I like to just think about tons of different things at the same time.  But then my brain usually gets confused and I end up blurting out sentences like, "You need to put your shoes in the we can eat the library called what is that smell?

I have been wondering how many squares of toilet paper Two Bits uses on a daily basis.  Your probably thinking that I'm assuming she uses too much?  Nope.  The opposite.

When we were driving home from Utah on monday we made a potty stop, and I had to join Two Bits in the stall.  Generally I wouldn't, but she's afraid of "magic potties."  That's what we call the toilets that flush themselves.  So if my kids see a magic potty I have to squeeze in the stall and keep my hand over the sensor until the pee-er is finished and far away from the scary flushing toilet.

But when we stopped I also was in great need of a toilet.  So when Two Bits grabbed two squares of the flimsy rest stop toilet paper I said, "You are going to need way more than that or your hand is going to get all wet."  So then she proceeded to COUNT OUT the squares.  Which is not what you do when your sensor blocking, bladder bursting, I've-had-4-kids-so-don't-even tell-me-to-hold-it, mother is in the stall with you.   Which is some general FYI to mention to 6 year olds everywhere.

Earlier today I pulled out my sample bottle of Little Stinker Baby Butt Spray that I got in my swag bag at CBC.  The bottle said you could use it on your husbands.

So I did.

He keeps trying to convince me that his shoes (among other things) don't smell.  I'm gagging just thinking about it.

You know how when you're pregnant you get that super human sense of smell thing?  Mine never went away.  I could be a blood hound.  Just strap a collar on me and take me hunting.  (Except don't really, because I'm way too lazy.  Plus I don't know how I feel about hunting poor wild animals when there's a grocery store just down the street.)

Things stink a lot.  And I smell it all.  So I'm pretty happy that things like Little Stinkers and Scentsy exist.  And maybe someday my olfactory senses will return to normal human levels and I won't have to be on the verge of a smell induced gag all the time.

Jun 1, 2010

holy sinkhole, batman

Did you see this?!  If that doesn't make you afraid of tropical storms and/or giant man-eating earthworms I don't know what would.

And does that hole just look a little too perfectly round to anyone else?  It's almost like it's been photoshopped.  Either that or it really was created by a giant man-eating earthworm and Guatemala is just using a cover story.  Except that hole is like the size of a city block, so I guess we'd have to call it a giant three-story-building-eating earthworm?

Either way.  Scary.

So you wanna know who I hung out with at CBC?  I met so many people that my brain is kind of on strike with the whole remembering names thing, so I'll probably forget like 3/4 of the people I met.  But here are a few:

Rachel Sue, who is clearly awesome, and never even got annoyed that I leeched onto her whenever possible.  I felt like I knew her before, but now it's official.  So now we can hang out in the future and bring our families along and not even care if our husbands have nothing in common to talk about.

Wonder Woman who had the cutest baby at the party/concert/mocktail (what was it's official name?)  And who I'm glad went to the party/concert/mocktail so I could actually meet her in person since I never call her when I'm in town, even though I tell her I'm going to.

Mombabe who I would want to hang out with all the time if she lived anywhere remotely close to me.  We would let the kids loose in the yard and then think of really funny stuff to say until we both get really tired and then we could debate who looks worse without mascara (because I think I might be able to beat Mombabe-Cancer-Face if I also didn't straighten my hair and let it do it's usual frizzing ponytail thing.)

Motherboard who was super busy the whole time since she was all in charge and stuff.  But who I'm really glad I got to talk to in person and not just by email anymore.

Annie, who kind of knows everything.  (She really does - she said so in one of the classes. Plus I almost know everything, and can vouch for knowing that she knows everything.)  And she is as friendly and fabulous in person as she is on tv.

And now my brain is shutting down, so I'll just throw a few more names at you: Rowena (who isn't named Rowena at all), Monica, Jo, Sue (yeah, that Sue - I talked to her for like 2 whole minutes), Michelle, Tenille (even though I don't know where she blogs) and a whole bunch of other people that I can no longer remember names for. 

So if I left you out (which will undoubtedly happen with my amazing memory skills) leave me a comment that says, "hey DORK, I saw you there too!!"  So then I can blog-stalk you appropriately.