Oct 14, 2008

why i send my kids to school

In the spirit of Columbus Day -yes, there's a spirit about it, can't you feel it?- I thought I would teach Curly and Screamer all about Columbus and his discoveries. And then they could go to their preschool and kindergarten class and when the teacher asks, "Who knows who Columbus is?" they could raise their little chubby hands and look supremely intelligent and tell everyone that I had taught them. And then their teachers would say, "Your mother is SOOOO wonderful and amazing and SUPER SUPER SMART!!" And then someone would probably write a song about me....or something. I'm not sure - I hadn't planned it beyond the adoring praises. But I knew that it was going to be awesome.

Except that I couldn't really remember what Columbus did.

Because, clearly, I am a horrible horrible person with no regard for history. And I also have a really bad memory. And because I probably haven't thought about Columbus since my own days in Elementary School.

I did take an AP History class in high school and didn't totally flunk out. Actually the teacher had this thing for well written essays, and I just happened to write excellent high school level essays, so I did manage an A in there. But when it came time for the AP test, the one where you can get college credit, there was no magic essay writing abilities that were going to get me through that thing. Ugh.

But I had to tell my kids something about Columbus, so I told them that he was the one that proved that the world was round and not flat. And then we went into great detail about how Earth is like a ball spinning through outerspace (it also helped that we had just watched a cartoon on this very subject over the weekend.)

So see, it was a science lesson. History, shmistory.

And I sure hope that their teachers atleast mentioned something about how he discovered the Americas, so that my kids don't remember my lame attempt at a lesson. And SEE, I do really know what Columbus did (once Husband reminded me of the details.)


LisAway said...

Clearly, as you say, you are a horrible horrible person. You don't know what kielbasa is AND you don't remember what Columbus did? :)

Rent 1492 with Gerard Depardue (or however you spell his name).

Let me know when they write a song about you. It will probably come later to Poland, and I will need to buy the single waaaaaaaay before it gets here.

Heather (n.) An organized mess. said...

So, there's this thing... called Google.....

Ha. I kid, I kid.

the MomBabe said...

Okay, well I refuse to acknowledge Columbus day because I don't like him. Sure, you REdiscovered America. (Amerigo Vespucci anyone?) And for your day, you were the man. For MY taste? Pillaging women doesn't earn you a holiday. I love how we just glide right over the horrible parts of history because HEY! It's christopher columbus! Screw. You.

(I obviously have issues.)

Aprillium said...

the mombabe - my mother said just about the SAME THING.

Why do they keep coming up with new holidays? Is it to keep us from recieving mail in a timely manner... or maybe to make anything we send in the mail late :)

Darned bank holidays anywho! :)

Claire said...

I know you're only pretending not to know a lot about Columbus, cos I know that you'd thought to yourself "I'd better not tell the kids too much stuff, otherwise I'll show up the teacher. I can't have the kids knowing more than the teacher. I'll be the bigger person and let her keep her dignity".

That's what you were really thinking.. wasn't it?

wonder woman said...

My son came home from pre-school on Thursday with little map and telescope made of constuction paper and staples. He played pirate the rest of the day. Did I try to talk about Colombus? No. Just let him be a pirate.

So I'm impressed that you at least TRIED to teach your kids that Colombus day is about more than great sales. (I think all the new holidays are MARKET DRIVEN.)

Mother Goose said...

ok, ok, look at you miss smarty pants! LOL
always a teaching moment.