I'm a Foxtrot FANATIC! Ok, not really. I wouldn't be able to do the foxtrot if I had 20 years worth of lessons, or even if they put me on Dancing With the Stars and I had a bubble butted foxtrotting expert of a partner. I have the coordination of a newborn duck. It's a known fact (which you would know, if you ever saw me try to dance.)
But I know there is a foxtrot fanatic somewhere in my great city, because I saw him driving around the other day. And I know this about him because his license plate cover that told me so.
As I sat stuck behind the fanatic for 4 red lights (in a row- it was cruel.) I was thinking about license plate covers and bumper stickers, and then I was thinking about WHY people have license plate covers and bumper stickers. Do people really think that we as a society actually CARE enough to know that you like to foxtrot?
Or what about those mega sports fans who have plastered their car with paraphenelia from a team across the country - you look like a doofus. Especially when there is a closer-by team that has mega fans that would probably like to flip your car over or something that mega sport fans actually do to their rivals (I was just guessing, I'm not really sure what they would do, but I saw that on a movie once.)
The only ones that I kind of get are the honor student bumper stickers. But only because of the pride it would give your child. But then, a couple years after you slap it on your bumper, you go to sell that car and can't get the stupid sticker off. And the person wanting to buy your car doesn't actually have a student at St. Steve's Catholic Middle School for Boys (total fake school name) so then they don't buy your car. So that's why I still would never put an honor student bumper sticker on my car.
I think it is also really stupid to put an election sticker on your car. Elections only last so long, people. Imagine driving around in a car with a "Ross Perot Election '96" tattooed on your bumper. That's just embarrassing.
But the worst is when someone has covered their car in offensive and rude stickers. And it's almost impossible to stop at a red light and NOT read the car in front of you when they're so brightly displayed. Usually I read one, totally regret it, and then try to avert my eyes (usually to the light where I think "turn green....turn green...turn green..." over and over until my Matilda like powers kick in and the light actually turns green. It's really great to have super powers, I just wish they were more useful, you know, like flying, or super strength, but hey atleast I can eventually turn lights green, right?)
So here's my question: When sticking a license plate cover or sticker on your car, do you feel empowered? Do you think, "I cannot live another day unless I inform the world that I like to foxtrot?" Do you really think that I care?! Because I don't, and I don't think the person in the car next to me does either.
(And when I say "you" I don't necessarily mean YOU, I mean it in a general term referring to those who actually do this, which could be you, I don't know, and even if I like you, I probably still don't like your bumper stickers, sorry, but feel free to put them on anyway, you know, it's a free country, and God gave us free agency, which gives me the right to not like bumper stickers and still like you.)