Oct 13, 2010

Betty and Me (and our foot long goldfish trout)

I had a dream last night that I was roommates with Betty Suarez (from the show Ugly Betty).  Except she didn't work for Mode or anything.  We were just in college.  In fact, I think she worked in the book store.  But I think we still lived in New York.

Betty had this guy who was totally hot for her, so he kept following us around in the dream.  And then he started bringing his friends along.  And every situation we were in was sitcom-like insanity where things are always over the top and in real life you sit there and watch it thinking, "like THAT would ever happen."

I don't remember all of it, but it went on for pretty much EVER.  At one point, we were hosting a party, but we didn't really know any of the guests besides the guy who liked Betty.  But then one of the guy's friends found out I was an artist and was like, "Oh yeah?  Me too."  And then he almost started coming onto me.

Except that's when the instantaneous flood from nowhere happened.  And also there were fireworks involved.  And I don't think we had a ceiling for awhile, but then it was back.

But then Betty and I found that her guy's friend -the one that might like me- had left me a message in code by using plastic dinosaurs laid out on a bench.  And as we were trying to decide if the mean looking, half brontosaurus, half dragon meant "I'm evil and I eat babies for breakfast" or "let's make out" our gold fish kept trying to escape from his bowl, which was horribly distracting.  Especially since our goldfish was probably about a foot long and we expected it to live in a regular fish bowl.  And also the goldfish looked like a trout, but we were all calling it a goldfish, so whatever.

Once I brilliantly realized that our fish lived better in the flooded apartment ('cause we were figuring out dinosaur clues while the flood continued and was now about knee deep) my dream decided to dramatically shift for a few seconds.

So then I was with one of my real college roommates, from when I was really in college.  And I was tagging along as she ran through a housing complex for dance team members (this roommate was actually on the dance team, so this actually made some sense, sort of). 

We ran from room to room checking people's flarp for contamination.  And finally we found some, so then we woke the girl up (because they were all sleeping) and took her and the contaminated flarp to another girl's room.  As I checked the new flarp, they woke up the other girl by jumping on her bed. 

Then I said, "The flarp is clean," in an authoritative military scientist voice.

And then the three of them sat around talking about the dance team, and how sad it was that people had to graduate from college and move on with life.  And I quietly serenaded the conversation with my best flarp noises.

**BRAIN BREAK - - I just needed to interrupt my dream with some info.  Flarp, for those of you who don't know, is a slimy goo that comes in a little plastic cup.  The object of flarp is to get air pockets in the bottom of the cup, and push the flarp so that as the air pockets are slowly released to make surprisingly authentic farting noises.  END BREAK**

So after that I jumped back to being Betty's roommate.  And we had a new non-flooded apartment.  And we had gotten rid of the goldfish.  And I was trying to work on an art assignment, but apparently it involved doodling and I couldn't find a pen. 

Then the guys showed up.  And while Betty flirted with her guy, I tried to figure out if his friend liked me or was just a weirdo.  So we talked about art a little.  And about how my walls were covered in those big wall sticker things you can get at Target, except that I didn't get them at Target, because apparently they had come in a series of Happy Meals.

And then my dream self couldn't decide if it wanted to be current fat and ugly Melissa or past cute and skinnier Melissa, which probably confused the dream guy, because he ended up leaving with the rest of the guys while I tried to plug in my laptop, even though I'm pretty sure there wasn't a single outlet in that whole stupid apartment.  Because I kept looking and never found one.

And then I woke up and realized I should have gotten out of bed a half hour ago, and ran like a crazy person to get everyone ready for school.

I would say the scariest part of my dream was that the guy who may or may not have had a crush on me and/or wanted to eat babies for breakfast was an oriental emo teenager with skinny jeans, and that I think dream me found him attractive.  SKINNY JEANS....shudder.  But once I dreamed about Kid Rock, so now my theory is just that dream me is really demented.


Barbaloot said...

You lost me at goldfish. Now I want to eat some!

Glad to know I'm not the only one with crazy, nonsense dreams.

LisAway said...

Wow, wow, wow. You'd think you had enough creative outlet trying to entertain a houseful of kids, and doing all your artsy things etc. Apparently that's not enough because your dreams are HIGHLY creative. My goodness.