We have a smelly hall cupboard. The day we moved in we had a cleaning lady come and de-gross-ify the house, and that was one place I told her to take care of. She was here for hours, working up a sweat, and I swear she didn't leave the house any cleaner.
So today, I decided it was time to stop ignoring the stench and deal with the smelly cupboard. Because it's actually quite huge and we still have boxes of stuff that need to find a home. Except that it's so huge that you don't realize what's in the back of it until you literally stick your head (and upper body) all the way in and look.
Which I did.
And then I had to stick my head back in with cleaners and a metal spatula so I could scrape a pile of nasty gooey sludge out of the back corner.
And I almost vomited.
It was touch and go for awhile.
But it's clean now, and covered in some lovely cream colored sticky-shelf-paper. And it smells better. It's not completely un-smelly, but less smelly, and useable.
So then I enlisted my kids help in moving a box full of board games out of the basement storage so I could put them in the cupboard. And just as we finished the board game retrieval, and the world was looking fluffy and rainbow colored, horror of all horrors struck.
Have I ever mentioned my extreme dislike of bugs and spiders? Because I hate them.
Sometimes after I've found a bug in the house I can't kneel next to the bed to pray for like 2 weeks, because all I can think of are possible bugs that are possibly down there (Heavenly Father has gotten used to my kneeling ON the bed to pray - they are perfectly reverent prayers, I assure you, and completely bug free).
I've seen arachnaphobia too many times and even though I wouldn't say that I'm deathly afraid of spiders, I would say that I'm mostly deathly afraid of spiders. So when I saw THE ENORMOUS SPIDER THAT LOOKED LIKE A BROWN RECLUSE sitting on my husband's upturned bass drum in our basement, I freaked out.
Major freaking out occurred.
At first I was completely paralyzed, because HELLO, ginormous poisonous spider!!! And then I realized I was the only adult in the house and it was my duty to kill it or it would bite my children thusly murdering them in their sleep. But the thought of getting my hand close enough to smash it with a shoe or a stick or a sledge hammer was just way too much for me to handle. I mean really - HAVE YOU SEEN ARACHNAPHOBIA?! (Although I might have attempted the sledge hammer - had there been one handy. Note to self: buy sledge hammer.)
So I did the only thing I could think of, and I screamed for my 8 year old to bring me the Tilex. (If it's one thing that I've learned in this house of grunge is that Tilex will kill pretty much anything.)
But Two Bits was taking too long getting the Tilex, minutes and minutes even, and the spider kept MOVING. Like, walking a little, and stuff. Did I say horror of horrors yet? Because, yeah, the terror was mounting. Then over flowing. And then I found myself standing in my basement, staring at a spider, screaming, "TILEX, HURRY, AAAAAAAH!!"
It wasn't even like regular yelling screaming, like, "Yo, bring me the tilex", nope it was more like straight up horror movie screaming.
When I finally had the Tilex in hand, I sprayed the spider like my life depended on it (which it probably did) and IT WOULDN'T DIE. So I sprayed until there was a puddle forming on the drum head, and once the spider slowed down a little, and it's back legs stopped working but it still wasn't dead I knew I'd have to smash it. So then I was screaming, "SHOE!! GET ME A SHOE!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!"
And then I smashed it about 50 times and ran away.
And I called Husband and told him to come home from work RIGHT NOW and clean it up or his drum was a goner with all that Tilex and spider guts on it. Which he did. And I got multiple lectures on the proper way to kill a spider (whatever, I thought the Tilex was a great idea).
But now I hope my kids won't be murdered in their sleep by poinsonous spiders.
EXCEPT now I keep thinking about the other spiders wanting to enact revenge upon me and that thought really makes me want to run from the house while horror-movie-style screaming.