I got a funny email today. It went like this:
Hello My Dearest,
With deep sorrow and tears in my Eye, I know that this mail might come to you as a surprise because we have not met each other or see face to face before. I am Miss.Regina El-Moiz Abunura, 23 years old an orphan, originated from South Sudan, East Africa, Female, tall, slim, and fair a very good looking girl that loves to be loved.
You don't know me, but I'm attractive. Oh and there's something in my eye.
My father of blessed memory by name late Mr.El-Moiz Abunura who was the President and Chief Executive Officer in Sudan Petroleum Company, SUDAPET at the Block 9/10, Resident 22/1 Africa Street P.O. Box 13188 Al Khartoum 11111 Sudan, The brutal killing of my mother and my father, one kid sister and kid brother took place one early morning by the rebels as a result of the civil war that is going on until now in my country Sudan.
Ok, so I had this dad, and here's a lot of boring information about him. And my family was killed, and here's me referring to fake people when actual people are actually dying in an actual warzone - I'm a totally sensitive person.
I am now writing you from Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso where I escaped through road, and now seeking asylum in a private charity organization under St Paul’s Catholic Church, Ouagadougou, Burkina-Faso.
So I am now in search of an honest and reliable person who will help to relocate me for a better life and to continue my studies, I have chosen to contact you after going through your profile and I believe you are a reliable person who will not let me down or betray my trust I know you may wonder why I am so soon telling you about all this, even without seeing or knowing you fully well, really something in me tells me that you are a good person and I guess I am not wrong.
I went through your non-existant profile and chose to write to you because you're nice (smiley face, heart heart, smiley face). And obviously I think your stupid - otherwise I would pull this scam on someone else.
Briefly I will like to disclose little more about myself to you and see if you can help to relocate to your country so as to continue with my studies and have a new life, and please this is a little secrete and i plead with you to keep it to yourself alone until everything is properly arranged and executed, then i will come over to join you in your country
I have the sum of $9.4 Million as an inheritance from my late father whom I will like to invest in your country with your help, it is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. the reason why I need your help is based on the instruction my late father given to the bank to release the fund to me only when I present a foreign trustee who can help me to invest the fund wisely, so the bank will not release the fund to me without the help of a foreigner as my father instructed the bank.
So I was fleeing this war torn country, rebels hot on my heels, and I was like, "DUDE, I should get my dad's millions of dollars transferred to me." Because that's what people do when they're fleeing for their lives.
Honestly this fund was deposited by my late father in one of the banks here in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso and I am going to give you all the details / contact because I want the money to be transferred to your account before I come over to join you in your country, I need your urgent answer of your ability to handle this transaction for me so that I will tell you the next step to follow for you to received the fund into your account without any problem, I am really suffering since the death of my parents, it is too painful, but I hope with your help I will have the fund transferred into your account, and i will have a better life to live in your country.
Since your SO SO NICE (heart, smiley face, heart) I'm going to get your bank account information and then give you some of my money. That's right - I'll GIVE it to you. Not take it, nope none of that. I would never ever use your bank info for anything other than GIVING you money. Pinky promise.
As soon as I receive your interest in helping me, I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Please do keep this only to your self. I beg you not to disclose it to anybody until the money transferred into your bank account and then I will come over to your country.
P.S. Don't tell anyone I have money. Because we wouldn't want THAT leaked to the public.....for some unknown reason......that doesn't really exist.
I am waiting to hear from you for more discussion,
Miss Regina El-Moiz Abunura.
Well, you know what Miss Regina El-Moiz Abunura? I am NOT a nice person. Also, I'm not an idiot. Also, YOU'RE an idiot.
Dearest Dear-heart of all Deardom
P.S. This email better not have had a virus attached to it. Because then I would stop laughing and just have to punch you instead. In your very fair face that loves to be loved.