seize the day

I work from home. (I've probably mentioned this before.) It really horribly and truly stinks to work from home. Completely.

At first I thought, "I am so lucky to be able to stay home with my kids and still earn some money." And my friends would say, "How lucky you are to be able to stay home with your kids and still earn some money." And I must admit that it certainly beats being Crew Chief at McDonalds or even being stuck in an office for 8 hours a day But the way I see things now, it truly stinketh.

The reason being, working from home is a double-edged sword.  Something (or in the case of the my children, someone) is always being neglected.  My house doesn't get cleaned, my laundry sits around in piles of wrinkled stench, my kids often wear diapers until the pee is soaking through them while simultaneously memorizing the PBS Kids show lineup because they see it so much, and my "to do" list both for work and home just keeps growing instead of getting shorter.  It is quite impossible to accomplish anything around here.  And the stress of it is overwhelming.

I think they should invent some kind of drug that makes it so you never have to sleep, and that you never get tired at all.  And while they're at it, this drug should also make you lose weight, and make your boobs stop sagging, and also take away all the wrinkles that sleep deprived late night hours of work and kid rearing have done.  That would be an excellent drug.

This morning I got up "early" to get a head start on some work stuff.  It was going ok, but then Opie realized that the lights were on downstairs and of course decided to get out of bed early himself.  And then Two Bits saw the light, and came down too.

They were just coloring - it sounds perfectly harmless, and an activity which should allow me to continue working, right?  

Not so.

Every 15 seconds (literally) one of the kids was next to me going, "Look Mommy, look, I colored this little corner pink.  Look.  LOOK!"  And so I would look and say, "That's so great! Go finish it." 15 seconds and the kids are back, "Look Mommy, look, I colored right next to the corner, and it's still pink! Look. LOOK!!"  And so I would look and say, "That's awesome, you're doing a great job - go finish."  15 seconds later, "Look Mommy, look, I colored another tiny part pink.  Look.  LOOK!!"  And then I'd slightly turn my head and say, "Yup."  But that wasn't enough, so then the kids would say, "Isn't that so great, Mommy.  Look.  LOOK!"  And without turning my head I'd say, "Yup."  And then they'd say, "It's so funny, Mommy, look, it's so funny, it's still pink.  Look. LOOOOOOK!!!"  

Is this getting annoying to read yet, because I'm telling you, it was downright exasperating.

So by the time 3 corners of paper were colored pink Monkey and Number Four were awake screaming from their beds.  And helpful Husband is on his way out the door saying, "The kids are awake."  Yeah, really?  REALLY?!!  So he got a goodbye scowl and eyeroll.

After the kids had clean bottoms and clothes, I realized that we were out of cereal.  And bread.  And bananas.  Oh, and milk.  And we had 1 egg.  So the kids got Chocolate Malt-o-meal, because we actually had some.  And while it was cooking, I realized that I was singing the song "Seize the Day" from Newsies.

I had just watched the movie a week-ish ago, and it was somehow coming out of my mouth without realizing.  So then I started thinking about the words: "Open the gate and seize the day.  Don't be afraid and don't delay."  It got me really thinking.  Maybe I should just try to make the best of this day, even though it has so far been going badly.  Yeah, I could make this a good day.  How great.  

But then I remembered the line in the song, "Though they may break us..."  And then I was thinking that I was definitely broken, and it's really hard to come back from that, especially when you have a two year old screaming over the fact that he can't have a non-existent banana,and a 4 year old screaming about not wanting today to be picture day at preschool, and a 10 month old screaming because I won't let her chew on my dirty flipflop, and a 5 year old screaming just because everyone else is screaming so WHY NOT?  And hours and hours worth of work that are never going to get done, and knowing that since it is preschool picture day you'll have to dig out the dirty pants from the bottom of the overflowing hamper and just wash off the dirty spots with a rag and hope they don't smell too bad, and by the way I haven't showered for like 3.78 years.  

Therefore who cares about those dumb gates, I just wanted to go back to bed.  Stupid optimistic songs anyway.