This is my 100th post. In celebration, I have put together a very cheerful and thought provoking list of...
100 TRULY HORRIFYING THINGS:
1. laundry.
2. having no chocolate anywhere in your house (not even a stray M&M in between the couch cushions)
3. sleeping on your arm wrong
4. short toddler naps
5. when kids grow out of taking naps
6. not getting your own nap
7. the stomach flu
8. the common cold
9. gout
10. cold toast
11. realizing there isn't a single unused diaper in your whole house just as your baby is having a poopy blowout
12. holey socks
13. wearing a dress
14. braces
15. the last wetwipe
16. shades of red that were supposed to go together but clearly clash
17. dead fish
18. soap scum
19. realizing you have no eggs half-way through a recipe
20. finishing a really good book to realize you've neglected everything other than the book for 2 days
21. and then realizing how non-glamorous and un-book-like your life is
22. while you're scrubbing toilets
23. finding a hair in your food at a restaurant
24. forgetting to screen your calls
25. an empty M&M bag
26. toddler diarrhea
27. the bathroom scale
28. any scale
29. full-length mirrors
30. breaking the diaper bag strap - unexpectedly - in public
31. tantrums
32. living down wind from a dairy
33. morning sickness
34. when your internet connection suddenly dies
35. having a fried graphics cards and not being able to render the online player to watch the last 3 episodes of Ugly Betty, which sadly you missed, and they are probably really good, but too bad for you
36. drip drying in a public restroom
37. highway rest stops in the middle of nowhere
38. that guy that hangs out behind bathroom curtains waiting for you to finish peeing so he can jump out and kill you
39. out of focus pictures
40. menstrual cramps
41. labor pains
42. water retention
43. monsters under the bed
44. when they stop making your favorite kind of mascara
45. terrorists
46. getting picked last in kickball
47. PDA (being married doesn't exclude you from this, by the way)
48. finding a who-knows-how-old-that-smelly-thing-is diaper shoved behind the garbage can
49. finding a curdled sippy cup of milk in the closet
50. finding a curdled sippy cup of milk in your toddler's hand
51. a flat tire
52. the dark
53. shattering your favorite mug
54. briefly running upstairs, leaving out something really important and coming back to the sound of your toddler ripping paper
55. chickenless stir-fry
56. having to drink barium (paint)
57. psycho, stalker, rapist killers
58. being late
59. daylight savings changes
60. reruns of Lost when you thought it would be a new episode
61. the mean chef dude on Hell's Kitchen (I can't even watch it long enough to find out the guy name before practically peeing my pants in fear)
62. dead batteries
63. putting on a clean shirt, then holding a snotty baby
64. grape flavoring
65. nightmares
66. nightgowns
67. ironed jeans
68. co-ed dodgeball
69. snow
70. shrimp (cooked in any way, shape or form)
71. weevils in your pantry
72. medical colon cleansers
73. any "Ernest" movie
74. spilling food on your boobs in front of someone new who hasn't witnessed this awesome boob catching talent of yours yet
75. practicing scales on any instrument
76. crooked rugs
77. having a huge underground zit that takes two days to come to a head that you are afraid to pop because an alien might explode out of it, because it is that big
78. chipping a tooth
79. giving a talk in church
80. swallowing a bug
81. being caught picking your nose
82. not wanting to be caught picking your nose, and instead being caught with a big bogey hanging out of your left nostril
83. mullets
84. breaking an underwire bra
85. breaking one of those waterfilled bust enhancing bras (they make these, right? I'm not getting one though....just in case)
86. those loud popping push toys that have been around for a zillion years (why are those things so popular?!)
87. bad wigs
88. bad wigs on men
89. the last Indiana Jones movie
90. selective man hearing
91. pork rinds
92. realizing the kids just saw you stuff that last brownie in your mouth, even though you were being sneaky
93. realizing your next door neighbor just saw you stuff that last brownie in your mouth through the open blinds (and way too close proximity of houses)
94. really wanting another brownie
95. the low score on Guitar Hero
96. those grapes in a can of fruit cocktail
97. any of the Star Wars movies (ok, now I have some enemies...)
98. Bratz Dolls
99. a loose toddler and a desperate need to shower
100. not being able to think of a really good last item on your list
And there you have it. I'm sure your life is feeling much more complete knowing all of this. It's so spectacular celebrating my 100th post. I feel like someone should do a quick cheer (I forgot my pompoms, so I need someone to fill in here. Preferably someone good.)
100 TRULY HORRIFYING THINGS:
1. laundry.
2. having no chocolate anywhere in your house (not even a stray M&M in between the couch cushions)
3. sleeping on your arm wrong
4. short toddler naps
5. when kids grow out of taking naps
6. not getting your own nap
7. the stomach flu
8. the common cold
9. gout
10. cold toast
11. realizing there isn't a single unused diaper in your whole house just as your baby is having a poopy blowout
12. holey socks
13. wearing a dress
14. braces
15. the last wetwipe
16. shades of red that were supposed to go together but clearly clash
17. dead fish
18. soap scum
19. realizing you have no eggs half-way through a recipe
20. finishing a really good book to realize you've neglected everything other than the book for 2 days
21. and then realizing how non-glamorous and un-book-like your life is
22. while you're scrubbing toilets
23. finding a hair in your food at a restaurant
24. forgetting to screen your calls
25. an empty M&M bag
26. toddler diarrhea
27. the bathroom scale
28. any scale
29. full-length mirrors
30. breaking the diaper bag strap - unexpectedly - in public
31. tantrums
32. living down wind from a dairy
33. morning sickness
34. when your internet connection suddenly dies
35. having a fried graphics cards and not being able to render the online player to watch the last 3 episodes of Ugly Betty, which sadly you missed, and they are probably really good, but too bad for you
36. drip drying in a public restroom
37. highway rest stops in the middle of nowhere
38. that guy that hangs out behind bathroom curtains waiting for you to finish peeing so he can jump out and kill you
39. out of focus pictures
40. menstrual cramps
41. labor pains
42. water retention
43. monsters under the bed
44. when they stop making your favorite kind of mascara
45. terrorists
46. getting picked last in kickball
47. PDA (being married doesn't exclude you from this, by the way)
48. finding a who-knows-how-old-that-smelly-thing-is diaper shoved behind the garbage can
49. finding a curdled sippy cup of milk in the closet
50. finding a curdled sippy cup of milk in your toddler's hand
51. a flat tire
52. the dark
53. shattering your favorite mug
54. briefly running upstairs, leaving out something really important and coming back to the sound of your toddler ripping paper
55. chickenless stir-fry
56. having to drink barium (paint)
57. psycho, stalker, rapist killers
58. being late
59. daylight savings changes
60. reruns of Lost when you thought it would be a new episode
61. the mean chef dude on Hell's Kitchen (I can't even watch it long enough to find out the guy name before practically peeing my pants in fear)
62. dead batteries
63. putting on a clean shirt, then holding a snotty baby
64. grape flavoring
65. nightmares
66. nightgowns
67. ironed jeans
68. co-ed dodgeball
69. snow
70. shrimp (cooked in any way, shape or form)
71. weevils in your pantry
72. medical colon cleansers
73. any "Ernest" movie
74. spilling food on your boobs in front of someone new who hasn't witnessed this awesome boob catching talent of yours yet
75. practicing scales on any instrument
76. crooked rugs
77. having a huge underground zit that takes two days to come to a head that you are afraid to pop because an alien might explode out of it, because it is that big
78. chipping a tooth
79. giving a talk in church
80. swallowing a bug
81. being caught picking your nose
82. not wanting to be caught picking your nose, and instead being caught with a big bogey hanging out of your left nostril
83. mullets
84. breaking an underwire bra
85. breaking one of those waterfilled bust enhancing bras (they make these, right? I'm not getting one though....just in case)
86. those loud popping push toys that have been around for a zillion years (why are those things so popular?!)
87. bad wigs
88. bad wigs on men
89. the last Indiana Jones movie
90. selective man hearing
91. pork rinds
92. realizing the kids just saw you stuff that last brownie in your mouth, even though you were being sneaky
93. realizing your next door neighbor just saw you stuff that last brownie in your mouth through the open blinds (and way too close proximity of houses)
94. really wanting another brownie
95. the low score on Guitar Hero
96. those grapes in a can of fruit cocktail
97. any of the Star Wars movies (ok, now I have some enemies...)
98. Bratz Dolls
99. a loose toddler and a desperate need to shower
100. not being able to think of a really good last item on your list
And there you have it. I'm sure your life is feeling much more complete knowing all of this. It's so spectacular celebrating my 100th post. I feel like someone should do a quick cheer (I forgot my pompoms, so I need someone to fill in here. Preferably someone good.)
Comments
And that's why I was kicked off the cheerleading squad.
Happy 100th!
Runs our favorite blog, you see!
She can do one hundred posts,
Now tell her you love her the most! YAY!
I was going to copy all the things I dittoed, but then realized there were just too many. Curdled sippy cups, running out of diapers, empty M&M wrappers, being caught by anyone shoving the last brownie in your mouth......not that I've done that.
Best 100 list I've ever seen.
Thanks for helping me laugh about the horrifying things in my life.
And I've never laughed so many times at a 100 list. (Okay, you caught me - I've never actually made it THROUGH a 100 list. Until yours. Because you rock.)
Number 60 (Lost rerun) sounds like something out of a nightmare.
If you watched a little more of Gordon Ramsay you'd realize how terribly insecure he is and that's why he yells and cusses at everyone. Poor guy.
Grape flavoring is one of the things I miss dearly in America. Here all purple candy is black currant (NASTY).
I'm shuddering over the weevils and shrimp.
And I second wonder woman's cheer. (How cute is SHE?)
I've been trying to decide which is the most horrifying thing on the list, and I just....can't...do it.