Mar 12, 2009

one hundred

This is my 100th post. In celebration, I have put together a very cheerful and thought provoking list of...


100 TRULY HORRIFYING THINGS:

1. laundry.

2. having no chocolate anywhere in your house (not even a stray M&M in between the couch cushions)

3. sleeping on your arm wrong

4. short toddler naps

5. when kids grow out of taking naps

6. not getting your own nap

7. the stomach flu

8. the common cold

9. gout

10. cold toast

11. realizing there isn't a single unused diaper in your whole house just as your baby is having a poopy blowout

12. holey socks

13. wearing a dress

14. braces

15. the last wetwipe

16. shades of red that were supposed to go together but clearly clash

17. dead fish

18. soap scum

19. realizing you have no eggs half-way through a recipe

20. finishing a really good book to realize you've neglected everything other than the book for 2 days

21. and then realizing how non-glamorous and un-book-like your life is

22. while you're scrubbing toilets

23. finding a hair in your food at a restaurant

24. forgetting to screen your calls

25. an empty M&M bag

26. toddler diarrhea

27. the bathroom scale

28. any scale

29. full-length mirrors

30. breaking the diaper bag strap - unexpectedly - in public

31. tantrums

32. living down wind from a dairy

33. morning sickness

34. when your internet connection suddenly dies

35. having a fried graphics cards and not being able to render the online player to watch the last 3 episodes of Ugly Betty, which sadly you missed, and they are probably really good, but too bad for you

36. drip drying in a public restroom

37. highway rest stops in the middle of nowhere

38. that guy that hangs out behind bathroom curtains waiting for you to finish peeing so he can jump out and kill you

39. out of focus pictures

40. menstrual cramps

41. labor pains

42. water retention

43. monsters under the bed

44. when they stop making your favorite kind of mascara

45. terrorists

46. getting picked last in kickball

47. PDA (being married doesn't exclude you from this, by the way)

48. finding a who-knows-how-old-that-smelly-thing-is diaper shoved behind the garbage can

49. finding a curdled sippy cup of milk in the closet

50. finding a curdled sippy cup of milk in your toddler's hand

51. a flat tire

52. the dark

53. shattering your favorite mug

54. briefly running upstairs, leaving out something really important and coming back to the sound of your toddler ripping paper

55. chickenless stir-fry

56. having to drink barium (paint)

57. psycho, stalker, rapist killers

58. being late

59. daylight savings changes

60. reruns of Lost when you thought it would be a new episode

61. the mean chef dude on Hell's Kitchen (I can't even watch it long enough to find out the guy name before practically peeing my pants in fear)

62. dead batteries

63. putting on a clean shirt, then holding a snotty baby

64. grape flavoring

65. nightmares

66. nightgowns

67. ironed jeans

68. co-ed dodgeball

69. snow

70. shrimp (cooked in any way, shape or form)

71. weevils in your pantry

72. medical colon cleansers

73. any "Ernest" movie

74. spilling food on your boobs in front of someone new who hasn't witnessed this awesome boob catching talent of yours yet

75. practicing scales on any instrument

76. crooked rugs

77. having a huge underground zit that takes two days to come to a head that you are afraid to pop because an alien might explode out of it, because it is that big

78. chipping a tooth

79. giving a talk in church

80. swallowing a bug

81. being caught picking your nose

82. not wanting to be caught picking your nose, and instead being caught with a big bogey hanging out of your left nostril

83. mullets

84. breaking an underwire bra

85. breaking one of those waterfilled bust enhancing bras (they make these, right? I'm not getting one though....just in case)

86. those loud popping push toys that have been around for a zillion years (why are those things so popular?!)

87. bad wigs

88. bad wigs on men

89. the last Indiana Jones movie

90. selective man hearing

91. pork rinds

92. realizing the kids just saw you stuff that last brownie in your mouth, even though you were being sneaky

93. realizing your next door neighbor just saw you stuff that last brownie in your mouth through the open blinds (and way too close proximity of houses)

94. really wanting another brownie

95. the low score on Guitar Hero

96. those grapes in a can of fruit cocktail

97. any of the Star Wars movies (ok, now I have some enemies...)

98. Bratz Dolls

99. a loose toddler and a desperate need to shower

100. not being able to think of a really good last item on your list


And there you have it. I'm sure your life is feeling much more complete knowing all of this. It's so spectacular celebrating my 100th post. I feel like someone should do a quick cheer (I forgot my pompoms, so I need someone to fill in here. Preferably someone good.)

10 comments:

RhondaLue said...

Ok that was PHENOMENAL! I never actually thought about how many horrifying things there were in regular every day things. I'm a little annoyed at all of these inconveniences like those grapes in the fruit cocktai, star wars movies, etc. So irritating! At least I'm not the only one horrifed by them. Thanks for sharing.

That Girl in Brazil said...

WHOO-WHOO-WHOOOOOOO!!!!

And that's why I was kicked off the cheerleading squad.

Happy 100th!

wonder woman said...

Missy B, Missy B
Runs our favorite blog, you see!
She can do one hundred posts,
Now tell her you love her the most! YAY!

I was going to copy all the things I dittoed, but then realized there were just too many. Curdled sippy cups, running out of diapers, empty M&M wrappers, being caught by anyone shoving the last brownie in your mouth......not that I've done that.

Best 100 list I've ever seen.

Barbaloot said...

Numbers 2 and 73 are tied for the most awful things in the entire history of the world.

Sarah Blue said...

I can relate to so many of those horrifying things. I was cringing as much as laughing while reading these because so many have happened to me at some point or another. *sigh* I especially liked #20 & #21. That is always sad. :(

Thanks for helping me laugh about the horrifying things in my life.

Sarah Blue said...

Oh. The guy on Hell's Kitchen...his name is Gordon Ramsey.

Jen said...

I think we have a lot in common. Shocker.

And I've never laughed so many times at a 100 list. (Okay, you caught me - I've never actually made it THROUGH a 100 list. Until yours. Because you rock.)

LisAway said...

I love the "psycho, stalker, rapist killers" right before "being late."

Number 60 (Lost rerun) sounds like something out of a nightmare.

If you watched a little more of Gordon Ramsay you'd realize how terribly insecure he is and that's why he yells and cusses at everyone. Poor guy.

Grape flavoring is one of the things I miss dearly in America. Here all purple candy is black currant (NASTY).

I'm shuddering over the weevils and shrimp.

And I second wonder woman's cheer. (How cute is SHE?)

Rachel said...

I loved this. And I agreed with you on almost every single one. (I love Indiana Jones. If he were real, I think I would marry him.)

JustRandi said...

I have to say- this is the most creative celebration of a 100th post EVER.

I've been trying to decide which is the most horrifying thing on the list, and I just....can't...do it.