Nov 5, 2011

the time that Johnny Depp showered at my house

I never told you guys something awesome that I did.  Well, sort of awesome.....ish.

It's no secret that my fear of psycho-stalker-rapist-killers hiding behind a shower curtain runs deep in my veins.  I don't like my shower curtain to be closed EVER.  (Unless someone is coming over and I haven't cleaned my tub and I don't want them to see my mildew or whatever, and then I'll pull it closed to hide the tub, and then I'll open it back up the second they're gone, and while someone is over and it's closed and I have to use the bathroom I absolutely have to check behind the shower curtain before using the toilet, and in fact, I will check behind someone else's shower curtain before I use the bathroom if I'm at their house and their shower curtain is closed.)

Husband thinks this is lunacy.

Except that it's NOT.  I'm sure psycho-stalker-rapist-killers hide behind shower curtains ALL THE TIME.

So, to prove my point on how scary it would be to find a psycho-stalker-rapist-killer in the bathroom behind the shower curtain, one night I took my life size Johnny Depp/Captain Jack Sparrow cardboard cut out and put him in the tub.  And I positioned him so that when Husband woke up the next morning, and he went to turn on the water, he would first see the sword wielding pirate and hopefully pee himself.  And after Johnny Depp/Captain Jack Sparrow was positioned perfectly I, of course, closed the shower curtain so that he was hiding sufficiently until morning.

It looked like this (actually it looked like this BEFORE I closed the curtain):

(sorry, grainy iphone picture.  also, this was back in like April, before my husband was gone for two months and before we moved and before I was all boring and surgery-ish.)

So, the next morning, I expected Husband to scream like a little girl and stuff, right?  I was all sorts of excited about it.  But when the time came, Husband didn't even make a noise.  And he just took Johnny Depp/Captain Jack Sparrow out of the tub and took his shower.

It was totally a buzz kill.

But he never actually told me if he peed himself.  Probably because he was too embarrassed for being that scared of something behind a shower curtain.

4 comments:

Cynthia said...

Snort! My neighbor looks a little Johnny Depp-ish and dressed up as Jack this Halloween- complete with accent and everything. Sorry your evil plan did NOT go off as planned. I'm sure you'll regroup and come up with something even better! HA! He should just wet himself now and get it over with- save you both the trouble.

Emmy said...

Lol! I bet he did pee himself

Candela said...

LOL!!! Creative!!

LGalaviz said...

Are you telling me you got NO reaction out of that at all!?! Unbelievable!