Oct 22, 2011

the post-surgery post

You know when you can't laugh, because you know it will cause excruciating pain, but then something hilarious happens and you keep telling yourself, "don't laugh, don't laugh, GAH, DON'T LAUGH", until your body betrays you and you let out one really huge guffaw, and then you die in excrutiating pain?

I HATE THAT.

So, I survived surgery.

Before the actual surgery the dr was all, "oh, THAT little hernia that has been causing you large quantities of pain for over 3 years? So not a big deal, the surgery is a piece of cake." (And this was after he killed me, as explained previously by way of cartoons.)

Then, after the surgery, the dr was all, "yeah, you had the most painful lapriscopic surgery possible, which requires 9 incisions and a 6x6 inch piece of mesh, so, like I said before, piece of cake."

AND

He knew all along that I would be having "the most painful lapriscopic surgery", from the very beginning. But did he warn me? OH NO HE DID NOT.

Why do drs do that anyway? My eye dr was like that too. He was all, "you can probably be out driving and acting normal the very next day!" And then I suffered from vampire-glass-shard-blind-eyeball for 3 weeks after each surgery.

Stupid lying drs anyway.

Also, I've come to the realization that my tolerance for pain isn't as high as I thought it was. Except that I blame it all on my last ten years of hurtful agony. I swear, the second I became an official adult it's just been one painful thing after another.

Is that normal?

Probably.

In any case, just thought you should know, I survived surgery but I still die a little every time I sneeze, cough, or chuckle.

Oh, and I still can't sleep on my side, which is annoying.

And also, the painkillers weren't even fun this time.

And now that's all.

I think.

The end.

4 comments:

LisAway said...

Oh good! So everything's just great now! As long as you keep yourself isolated and prefereably unconcious so you don't have to sneeze or be amused. Awesome!

I'm glad the surgery part is over. And my adult life has held very little physical pain, so you're just lucky. Yay for you!! So fun! You're a trooper. If we swapped experiences I don't know if my husband would still be around after all the complaining and grouching I would probably do. I don't deal well with pain either...

Cynthia said...

Well it certainly sounds awful! You should definitely milk this for all you can with the Fam!

Kristina P. said...

I'm really glad you aren't dead. My hiatal hernia was acting up this morning. I love having nausea in the mornings.

Jessica Newby said...

Um, so looks like I have to check your blog to know anything going on in your family! Hope you're feeling better & your scar looks better than mine. Ugh. Mine is so ugly & worse when pregnant.