Apr 21, 2011

will you please deliver these for me?

Dear People Who Live on my Street But Don't Know I Exist Let Alone Read my Blog (but whatever),

Please stop putting your garbage cans on the sidewalk.  Because a) it makes it really obnoxious to walk to the bus stop with a stroller (even though I drove today since it was kind of rainy, but that's totally beside the point so why did you even bring it up?) and b) because when all the garbage cans are on the sidewalk the poor garbage collector has to stop his truck, get out, move the can onto the street and then get back into his truck & use the mechanical arm to pick it up.

With as annoying as reason A is, I can only imagine the garbage collector's annoyance at having to get out of his truck at every house because people are too lazy to pull their cans another foot and off the curb.

SO KNOCK IT OFF.

Sincerely,
That One Neighbor you Don't Know


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Dear Opie,

If you scream even one more time, my head will most likely explode and brain guts will go all over the place and it will be YOUR job to clean it up.

SO KNOCK IT OFF.

Lovingly,
The Woman Who Gave you Life and Therefore Can Take it Away 



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Dear The Show Ghost Whisperer,

I've been watching all your seasons and episodes on Netflix while I work and I gotta say, Season 5?  Not your best effort.  The "shadows" and the "shinys"?  Really?  Not to mention that the entirety of season 4 was about how Jim dies and them comes back as Sam and they have to get remarried and blah blah and it's such a freakin' huge deal - then in season 5 he's just back to being JUST Jim.  Except that every once in awhile someone screws up and calls him "Dr Lukas" except that mostly they just call him "Jim Clancy" which is reeeeally obnoxious.

I have like 4 episodes of the last season left, and I want to enjoy them,

SO KNOCK IT OFF.

Cordially,
A Semi-Fan


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Dear Dinner,

Go make yourself.

And be healthy, would you?

And when it comes down to it, I want you to jump into my children's mouths and make it to their stomachs.  Especially the green parts of you.  Never mind all the screaming the kids are doing - they'll be fine.  Just take advantage of the screams and jump in while their mouths are open.  Because, frankly, I'm sick of you not doing your job and nutritiously making my kids grow.

SO KNOCK IT OFF.

Yours Truly,
The One that Lives Here but Hates Making Food that's Just Going to End Up in the Garbage Anyway

5 comments:

Melanie Jacobson said...

You've just inspired my new approach to dinner.

Wonder Woman said...

I love letters. Yours in particular. How weird/rude that our neighbors put the cans on the sidewalk. And that dinner doesn't make itself and jump your kids' mouths.

Barbaloot said...

Your neighbors sound like lots of fun... I want my dinner to be healthy, too. And good. And negative calories.

Rachel Sue said...

1. Love you new blog design. And if you felt, (as if you didn't have enough to do) like doing mine, I wouldn't say no.

2. I KNOW. And that kind of goes for all of the letters.

elesa said...

I love it. Maybe you have just inspired me to write again.