Jun 10, 2010

because I'm really good at killing things

I murdered our washing machine.

It was actually the washing machine I got from my cousin when she moved because I had already murdered my old washing machine.

So Husband tried to fix it.  Because whenever we'd turn it on, it wouldn't spin but instead emit a horrendously foul odor.  (I like to compare the odor to that of a melted vacuum belt - because I'm pretty good at killing vacuums too, so it's a common smell here.)

Turns out Husband has no idea how to fix washing machines.

Luckily a guy in our ward does.

Unluckily, the washing machine was totally unfixable.

So now Husband is trying to fix the old washing machine.  Because I told him about 5 billion times to get it out of our garage, so of course that meant it wasn't going anywhere.

And here's to hoping Husband can actually fix this one (or the guy in our ward- I'm not picky.)  Because if it doesn't get fixed, I'm going to set up a donation button on my sidebar titled "Operation Washing Machine."  But mostly because the only other option is heading to the river and beating our dirty clothes on rocks.

It must be my week to kill things, because yesterday I burned off about half of my taste buds.  No joke.  I'm pretty sure half of my tongue is dead.

I was too scared to look in a mirror so I asked Husband if my tongue was charred black and all sooty.  He said that it looked pink to him and then he rolled his eyes.  So I had to smack him.  But it didn't even make me feel better.

I also kill plants and small animals.

Not this week though.

But never give me a frog.  Because you're just asking for a funeral.  I think my frog killing record is about 12 hours.  As in, 12 hours after I got the frog, it was stiff and floating.

It's really a wonder my kids are still alive.

However they are running around naked these days.  Because, you know, I  murdered the washing machine.

11 comments:

Kristina P. said...

I kill all living things too. But I think you have one upped be in the inanimate object department.

Jen said...

Sadly, I have the same talent. I had a dwarf frog named Hank in college who I was very sad to lose. May the gods of new or gently used washing machines smile on you soon.

Barbaloot said...

I hate burnt tongues!! It's one of the worst feelings. I'm sorry-I hope it gets better soon! If I knew anything about washing machines, I'd help you out with that, too. Sadly, I'd kill it more dead.

Barbaloot said...

This is a crummy recording, but maybe it will help:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhz4Julq3Ko

Wonder Woman said...

We had issues with our dryer. Thought it was dead because it wasn't heating. Bought a "new" one (used), got it home and realized that we only needed to flip a breaker. Meaning: we gave away a perfect good dryer. And we couldn't get it back. Then we had to have a CONTRACTOR come and rewire stuff so we could use the new gas one.

We spent like $250 when all we needed to do was FLIP A BREAKER. I was really mad for like a week.

Hope you can get this figured out. Don't want you to go all pioneer woman on us.

Judi said...

I so feel your dryer pain, but in a slightly different way!
In the past few weeks I have had to replace a garbage disposer, a washer,a dryer(back in May!).
I have had my oldest son break his arm, and then to top it off, 2days after his cast came off, he falls and cracks his head open!
Oh, and my AC is on the fritz too, good thing the weather can't make up its mind!

crazy mommy said...

seeing as I know the abuse it took before you got it, it might not be your fault just it's time to go...

Loralee and the gang... said...

Sounds like a burned up motor in the washing machine? How did you do that? I am asking only so I don't do it myself. I have had too many appliance fails this year to handle another one...

ABrunettesLife said...

Oh, I feel your pain! I moved into a new (to me) house in November and by january I had murdered the microwave and dishwasher and disposal. Thankfully, my Hubs is used to it now, so he just rolls his eyes and grabs his tools. Sadly the microwave was unfixable.

Beeswax said...

I've killed an estimated 6 washers and dryers in the last year. My husband is a property manager and brings home old appliances that have been put out to pasture. Like if you accidently add a towel to the sheets load, it gives up the ghost. He keeps extras on the side of the garage for such occasions. Our current dryer is from 1984. And it got here the hard way, not back to the future in the trunk of a DeLorean.

If he didn't do most of the laundry, we'd have a couple new front loaders.

annie valentine said...

With Father's Day coming up, I recommend you get your husband that awesome life saving handy book, "How To Fix Just About Anything". My totally unhandy man has turned into a miracle worker thanks to some Readers Digest version of how to be a good husband.

And I also kill things.