Mar 20, 2010

good reasons to be agoraphobic

Sometimes it's scary to go outside because you never know when a flock of Canadian geese are going to fly over head.  Because, as you know, birds don't stop to use little birdy facilities.  They just let it go.  And who wants to get hit with projectile goose poo?  Not me.

Greasy non-washed hair looks so much better under incandescent bulbs versus sunlight.

All that natural fresh air out there is over rated.  Why breath that in when my children have fragranced our house so lovingly with the smell of poop and sweaty socks?  Plus, we live near-ish a dairy farm, so if the wind is blowing it's really more just a matter of which kind of poop you want to smell.  At least inside I have a Scentsy burner and an entire brick of "Skinny Dipping."

There are rabid wolves out there....somewhere in the world.

I might accidentally get a tan and then I'll have to buy an actual nightlight since my skin won't glow in the dark anymore.

But mostly...

I don't like to leave my house because I have to take all the kids with me.  And they are so much easier to manage when there are walls containing them.

Sometimes, if I actually venture away from my house, people will see me and say, "Wow, I haven't seen you in SO LONG."  And I say, "Yeah, I know, I never leave my house."  And then they laugh, because they think I'm joking.

It's not a joke.

There really is projectile goose poo and rabid wolves out there.

8 comments:

LisAway said...

And to think I've been spending all these years feeling guilty for staying home every day. There are all these reasons I obviously knew somewhere in my subconscious (otherwise why would I be staying home?) but I didn't think of them until you typed them out. Thanks so much for that.

Wonder Woman said...

I have yet to go to Walmart with all three. And I only have 3.

Emmy said...

I glow too even though I go outside :)

Cynthia said...

Ah, yes. I remember when it was just too darn much work to get everyone out of the house. I'd do my grocery shopping at midnight at Walmart (SCARY!) just to be able to leave the house ALONE.

Hey- how are the preemie twins doing? I don't recall seeing an update. I hope they are growing well.

Heather said...

Awww, glowing in the dark.... I feel your pain. haha. I'm considering a knee length wedding dress but I don't want to blind everyone with my neon white legs.

RhondaLue said...

Heather-pantyhose!!

I have always felt the same way. It's just easier to contain the children in the house.

Claire said...

True story. I have the fear of death rise within me at the thought of having to be out in public with the kids...

prashant said...

Thanks so much for that.
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