submarines, squid and man eating couches

If we're ever in a submarine together and we see a large mass swimming around us on the sonar, no one is allowed to say, "Well, whatever that was, it's gone now."

You know that's exaclty the moment the giant squid leaches onto the sub and starts thrashing.



So I lost my phone this morning. I haven't seen it all day. It's really lost, not just the usual, "Where did I set it down?" kind of thing.

Except that I think I just heard it ringing.

But the noise was coming from inside the couch.  I already checked under the cushions earlier, so now I get to try and squish my hand into the insanely stupid -and deep- crevices that exist for no other reason than to eat our belongings. 

Once, our couch ate the sound remote and we couldn't find it for like a year and a half.  And now it wants my phone.  I have the kids feed it cereal and important notes and the left sock out of every good pair we own.  It really shouldn't be hungry.

Sometimes I'm afraid it's going to swallow one of my kids whole.  I wonder if I get to pick which kid...