That's what it is.
It's probably an evil scale anyway. Always lying to me. Telling me I'm fat.
The worst part about it is that the scale has also convinced all the mirrors in my house to play along. And I know it got my pant size on board ages ago. It's also managed to get the camera to cooperate, even though I treat that camera like one of my dear precious children. And this evil, hateful scale has attached a big mound of blubber right on my midsection.
Well guess what scale - I hate you too.
*****************************************************
I think showers are a waste of time.
You get in just to get all wet, emerge dripping, get a nice clean towel wet, redress yourself, figure out something to do with your crazy 'just got wet and now it's going to dry ultra fuzzy, don't even think about using a blowdryer' hair, and put on all the makeup that you just washed off even though your mascara could probably have passed for a whole extra day as along as you didn't see anyone any closer than the drivers side of the minivan while you pick up kids from school.
And this stupid shower routine takes time. Lots of extra wasted time that you could be doing something important - like watching all the shows on Hulu that you missed last night. Or, ok fine, working. (But lately, more Hulu. My eyes hurt - what do you expect?)
I hereby declare a shower strike. You can join me or smell me - it's your choice.
*****************************************************
Husband tried to convince me the other day that he's never prayed about pooping his pants in public. I thought it was a pretty standard prayer. Mine usually go something like this:
"Oh please OH PLEASE don't let me poop my pants here in the kitchen aisle at Walmart. I promise I will never eat another super sour cream, extra bean and oil burrito in under two minutes again. I also promise to read my scriptures for 20 minutes when I get home. Ok 25, 30, THIRTY MINUTES, and I'll participate in a service project, a good one, just pleeeeease let me make it to the bathroom. Or home, can I make it home? I don't feel like dragging all four kids into a public restroom for this. Please let me make it home. Although getting out of the kitchen aisle at Walmart would be a great start. Please please PLEEEEASE."
I have never pooped my pants in public. Prayer works people.
And don't even try to tell me that YOU have never prayed about pooping your pants. (I can't be alone in this, right?)
*****************************************************
Have I totally repulsed you yet?
Apparently that was my subconscious goal when I sat down to blog. I just kept typing whatever my brain told me to.
And now you know I'm just a fat, smelly person who tries not to poop at Walmart.
Great.
p.s. For the record, I showered this morning and I'm drinking Diet Coke.
It's probably an evil scale anyway. Always lying to me. Telling me I'm fat.
The worst part about it is that the scale has also convinced all the mirrors in my house to play along. And I know it got my pant size on board ages ago. It's also managed to get the camera to cooperate, even though I treat that camera like one of my dear precious children. And this evil, hateful scale has attached a big mound of blubber right on my midsection.
Well guess what scale - I hate you too.
*****************************************************
I think showers are a waste of time.
You get in just to get all wet, emerge dripping, get a nice clean towel wet, redress yourself, figure out something to do with your crazy 'just got wet and now it's going to dry ultra fuzzy, don't even think about using a blowdryer' hair, and put on all the makeup that you just washed off even though your mascara could probably have passed for a whole extra day as along as you didn't see anyone any closer than the drivers side of the minivan while you pick up kids from school.
And this stupid shower routine takes time. Lots of extra wasted time that you could be doing something important - like watching all the shows on Hulu that you missed last night. Or, ok fine, working. (But lately, more Hulu. My eyes hurt - what do you expect?)
I hereby declare a shower strike. You can join me or smell me - it's your choice.
*****************************************************
Husband tried to convince me the other day that he's never prayed about pooping his pants in public. I thought it was a pretty standard prayer. Mine usually go something like this:
"Oh please OH PLEASE don't let me poop my pants here in the kitchen aisle at Walmart. I promise I will never eat another super sour cream, extra bean and oil burrito in under two minutes again. I also promise to read my scriptures for 20 minutes when I get home. Ok 25, 30, THIRTY MINUTES, and I'll participate in a service project, a good one, just pleeeeease let me make it to the bathroom. Or home, can I make it home? I don't feel like dragging all four kids into a public restroom for this. Please let me make it home. Although getting out of the kitchen aisle at Walmart would be a great start. Please please PLEEEEASE."
I have never pooped my pants in public. Prayer works people.
And don't even try to tell me that YOU have never prayed about pooping your pants. (I can't be alone in this, right?)
*****************************************************
Have I totally repulsed you yet?
Apparently that was my subconscious goal when I sat down to blog. I just kept typing whatever my brain told me to.
And now you know I'm just a fat, smelly person who tries not to poop at Walmart.
Great.
p.s. For the record, I showered this morning and I'm drinking Diet Coke.
Comments
Luckily I've avoided that epicness as an adult. And I too should attribute that to prayer. ;)
You make life fun!
Get that eyeball better!
Love,
Husband's Mom
Showers can very much be a waste of time. If I actually do my hair, I got 2-3 days between them. But it takes time to do the hair! So sometimes I just put in the curly spray stuff, diffuse for 3 mintues, and go. But when I do that, it looks DISGUSTING the next day and I'm forced to shower again. I really don't know which option is best.
P.S. I feel like I should know you, even though I don't. I'm Jessica's friend, and I was in a kick-A rock band with your husband in college.
And I have offered similar prayers myself. :)
I'm so with you on the showers. I wrote a blog post about it once though and there was this eerie you-can-hear-the-crickets-chirping silence afterwards.
I like to shower at night then wet my hair in the sink the next day. Doesn't seem QUITE as counter productive that way.
Shops therefore, I try to avoid - TK Maxx, Gap outlet and Stationery Box.
But the shower--I'm still in love. It might be time consuming, but it makes me feel so much better. And that's really what we are all looking for in a good relationship.
I about peed my pants here at my desk laughing so hard... My husband hollered down the stairs asking me if everything was a-ok down here... hehe!
Yes, Prayer works. No poopin'.
And showers suck..
But then, so does eating.
It takes just as much time... and it either sticks with you (dang scale) or haunts you at WMart.
~Inky Smiles
Erin
Thank goodness!