Jul 20, 2009

bugs crawling in places that should never be seen in the wild

I have a complaint. Which is wierd since I never complain. (It's easier just to play along...)

Why do summer activities always involve camping?

Family reunion? Oh hey, let's go camping.

Ward activity? Oooh oooh, camping.

Husband suggestion #247? CAMPING.

Why the camping? Really? Who actually enjoys it?

The way I see it, you drive until you hit a road that isn't paved. And then you keep going. So then your car gets completely covered in dust and/or multiple flat tires. Or, heaven forbid, you have to stop and then hike to your final destination. (shudder.)

Then you get there. And by there I mean you get to some land that is sort of flat-ish, hot-ish and totally bug-ish. And don't think that the mesquito repellent you brought is really going to keep all of those bugs away. So you can just plan on worrying about which of the mesquitoes that have sucked your children's blood were carrying West Nile Virus.

Upon spraying every inch of every man, child or person, plus the surrounding air with deet, you get to set up camp. In the flat-ish-est spot, which is also usually the dusty-ish-est spot as well. Because no one wants to lay on weeds or rocks. Because guess what? We're all sleeping on the ground tonight. Whoooo, killer fun. Who wants a bed?

It's only a matter of time before the absolute worst part of camping happens. And that's when someone has to use the loo. Except that you're camping, and therefore a loo/toilet/hole in the ground isn't an option. And since I, nor probably my 6 year old daughter, has perfected the whole "squat and pee" thing, you must find something to pee ON. Like a fallen log, or a rock, or maybe a really soft yet sturdy bush (although I wouldn't recommend the bush.)

And while you're "conducting business" on this rock/log/bush any number of creeping, crawling or flying insects has access to areas that should never be exposed anywhere other than a properly plumbed and enclosed facility. Which is scary when you think about it. Really really scary. Because having a bug crawl up your crack is probably about 20,000 more likely to happen than coming across a grizzly bear while camping.

Plus, I haven't even mentioned the fact that you will be outside the entire time you're camping - which equals immeasurable amounts of allergic snot and/or sinus closure. Plus the sneezing. And the itching, water pouring eyes that turn bright red in a matter of 1/2 an hour and then remain that way until you've been home for 3 days. Because no amount of Zyrtec or Claritin D is going to be able to fight the fact that you're 100% immersed in cursed nature.

I could go on about how cooking over an open fire is practically impossible, but I think I have probably made my point. Even though I didn't mention how hard it is to get anyone to sleep while on the ground. And I didn't even bring up how fun it is if someone gets the stomach flu, or food poisoning, or heat exhaustion, or a headache, or anything else that causes puking. And I won't even go into the area of unexpected rainstorms, or washing the smoke smell out of every single item you took with you.

So let me ask again, why do summer activities always have to involve camping? For the next family reunion/ward activity/husband suggestion I nominate a luxury spa.

4 comments:

Barbaloot said...

So, you're really happy about summer camping trips, then?

You ought to put an anti-LDS-camping item on your Green Jell-o website:)

cc said...

Here here! I. Hate. Camping. Husband is threatening to take the kids on the ward campout alone, but then I'll still have to verse myself in all possible West Nile Symptoms AND wash each article of clothing 3 times once they come home. Just say no to camping!

Heather said...

I don't understand people who don't get camping.

RhondaLue said...

what else can one do when hubby lost his job, can't afford to take kids to Disneyland, Disneyworld, Europe, Six Flags, or the family reunion that is 4 states away?

About the only thing affordable is camping. BUT, here's a few tips to make it slightly more doable. Invest in a bucket potty-have a special 2 man tent set up to be the "bathroom" (make hubby be the one to change the potty bag and dispose of the old one), get a camp stove, much easier than open flame cooking...and invest in a COT for you and the hub. Kids are young, their backs will forgive them for sleeping on the hard ground, mine won't.

I love this post-totally hilarious but yah...we still camp. The kids DIG it! And hopefully all the wicked mother memories can be muted some by the "I took you camping!" memories. lol