Skip to main content

bugs crawling in places that should never be seen in the wild

I have a complaint. Which is wierd since I never complain. (It's easier just to play along...)

Why do summer activities always involve camping?

Family reunion? Oh hey, let's go camping.

Ward activity? Oooh oooh, camping.

Husband suggestion #247? CAMPING.

Why the camping? Really? Who actually enjoys it?

The way I see it, you drive until you hit a road that isn't paved. And then you keep going. So then your car gets completely covered in dust and/or multiple flat tires. Or, heaven forbid, you have to stop and then hike to your final destination. (shudder.)

Then you get there. And by there I mean you get to some land that is sort of flat-ish, hot-ish and totally bug-ish. And don't think that the mesquito repellent you brought is really going to keep all of those bugs away. So you can just plan on worrying about which of the mesquitoes that have sucked your children's blood were carrying West Nile Virus.

Upon spraying every inch of every man, child or person, plus the surrounding air with deet, you get to set up camp. In the flat-ish-est spot, which is also usually the dusty-ish-est spot as well. Because no one wants to lay on weeds or rocks. Because guess what? We're all sleeping on the ground tonight. Whoooo, killer fun. Who wants a bed?

It's only a matter of time before the absolute worst part of camping happens. And that's when someone has to use the loo. Except that you're camping, and therefore a loo/toilet/hole in the ground isn't an option. And since I, nor probably my 6 year old daughter, has perfected the whole "squat and pee" thing, you must find something to pee ON. Like a fallen log, or a rock, or maybe a really soft yet sturdy bush (although I wouldn't recommend the bush.)

And while you're "conducting business" on this rock/log/bush any number of creeping, crawling or flying insects has access to areas that should never be exposed anywhere other than a properly plumbed and enclosed facility. Which is scary when you think about it. Really really scary. Because having a bug crawl up your crack is probably about 20,000 more likely to happen than coming across a grizzly bear while camping.

Plus, I haven't even mentioned the fact that you will be outside the entire time you're camping - which equals immeasurable amounts of allergic snot and/or sinus closure. Plus the sneezing. And the itching, water pouring eyes that turn bright red in a matter of 1/2 an hour and then remain that way until you've been home for 3 days. Because no amount of Zyrtec or Claritin D is going to be able to fight the fact that you're 100% immersed in cursed nature.

I could go on about how cooking over an open fire is practically impossible, but I think I have probably made my point. Even though I didn't mention how hard it is to get anyone to sleep while on the ground. And I didn't even bring up how fun it is if someone gets the stomach flu, or food poisoning, or heat exhaustion, or a headache, or anything else that causes puking. And I won't even go into the area of unexpected rainstorms, or washing the smoke smell out of every single item you took with you.

So let me ask again, why do summer activities always have to involve camping? For the next family reunion/ward activity/husband suggestion I nominate a luxury spa.

Comments

Barbaloot said…
So, you're really happy about summer camping trips, then?

You ought to put an anti-LDS-camping item on your Green Jell-o website:)
cc said…
Here here! I. Hate. Camping. Husband is threatening to take the kids on the ward campout alone, but then I'll still have to verse myself in all possible West Nile Symptoms AND wash each article of clothing 3 times once they come home. Just say no to camping!
Heather said…
I don't understand people who don't get camping.
Rhonda said…
what else can one do when hubby lost his job, can't afford to take kids to Disneyland, Disneyworld, Europe, Six Flags, or the family reunion that is 4 states away?

About the only thing affordable is camping. BUT, here's a few tips to make it slightly more doable. Invest in a bucket potty-have a special 2 man tent set up to be the "bathroom" (make hubby be the one to change the potty bag and dispose of the old one), get a camp stove, much easier than open flame cooking...and invest in a COT for you and the hub. Kids are young, their backs will forgive them for sleeping on the hard ground, mine won't.

I love this post-totally hilarious but yah...we still camp. The kids DIG it! And hopefully all the wicked mother memories can be muted some by the "I took you camping!" memories. lol

Popular posts from this blog

GIVEAWAY (of the photo Christmas card variety)

I think I just creeped out my four year old. I pulled out the, "You'd better go to bed because Santa's Elves are watching you to make sure you're being good!" routine. His eyes got big, and round, and scared. And he said, "Why would they do that?!" Also, our church building burned down yesterday. No wait, it didn't. But the alarm went off, and the entire ward just sat there in the chapel (and gym, because we have an enormous ward.) I sat there too. I don't know what everyone else was thinking, but the thought going through my head was, "Can somebody please get that alarm turned off, it is WAY TOO LOUD!!!!" Seriously, I think our ward is now 37% deafer after that. Oh, and there was no actual fire. And the first fire truck to show up was driven by one of our ward members who was on duty that day. Good times. And now, that GIVEAWAY: For procrastinators everywhere (that would include me) I'm giving away one free photo Christmas card d...

hair loss and mourning

I like Monkey's hair long.  I tried to grow out Opie's hair when he was younger, but he has always had a tremendously large head, and he also has very thick wavy hair.  You pair those two together, throw in some long locks, and you've got yourself a genuinely bonified giant-head child.  So I've learned my lesson: keep Opie's hair short. But Monkey's hair?  It's so soft, and straight (our only straight-haired child) and super super cute when it's long.  SUPER CUTE.  (Agree with me - it's my blog.)  But not many people liked the whole long hair thing.  I kept having to threaten various family members with things like, "If I come back to find him with short hair I will DISOWN you, run away with my kids and you will never hear from us again.  EVER."  (Husband was particularly sensitive to this threat.) However, I did say that once random strangers started referring to him as a girl, I would consider cutting it.  And even though ...

so here's the thing...

I have to make an announcement. But it's not one that I'm thrilled to make. For the past week I've been ignoring it so that, like the proverbial dog, it will just GO AWAY. Honestly, the odds of it just going away are slim to fat-chance, so I should just announce it already. I'm moving. To Utah. Every time I think about it, I also think I'm going to throw up. I know there's a lot of people who like living in Utah, so I don't want to offend anyone, but I HATE UTAH. Direly. And when I moved away a decade ago I vowed never ever ever ev-er to move back.  EVER.  ( Motherboard told me last week to never make that vow because then God HAS to force you to move back - - too bad her warning is about 10 1/2 years too late.) So now, I'm sure you're asking yourself, "If you hate it so bad, why are you moving?"  Which is an excellent question. Husband got a new job.  With real live actual benefits (jobs without benefits are, shall we ...