Opie has a friend over today. This does not happen often. Because we kind of scare people. Even though I'm not even my usual scary self when other people's kids are here, just more, um, me-ish can't-be-helped scary.
Which I guess is still kinda scary.
And also my kids don't have friends over because they always get "SO BORED". Because, all 50 billion of their toys don't ever sound like fun. I mean, why would they? It's not like people spent hard earned money to provide my children entertainment in plastic and blinking form or anything.
So before Opie and his friend started on the "we're SO BORED"'s I took some sheets outside and built them a tent by hanging them from our tree. Because I'm super clever like that. And then I thought, "HA! They'll be busy playing here for HOOOOOURS."
Except that they were bored by the tent in less time than it took me to set it up.
So then I told them to play commandos and the tent could be their base, and once again patted myself on the back for being such a genius and all.
Except that they were bored after about 4 minutes of commandos.
So when they came to me again professing their total non-entertainment I asked them why they didn't have fun playing commandos.
"Because we just stood there and then ran around a little. It was SO BORING."
And then I said, "Obviously you guys have no idea how to play commandos." And then I silently reprimanded myself for having children that are so incompetent at commando playing.
So finally I handed them each a walkie-talkie. MY walkie-talkies. Grown up real ones that I think are awesome, because I really am a fan of playing commandos.
And then I told Opie and his friend, "You can take these outside and be super agent ninja commandos, but you have to be super careful with these, because if you break them, you will die."
Opie just shook his head like, "how many times have I hear that threat?" But his friend was all wide-eyed staring at me. So I kept going.
"I don't think your mom would appreciate it if you died here today. So you guys better be really REALLY careful." I said.
Then Opie's friend was all worried and said, "So, like, if we break them, then they start on fire, and then explode or something?!"
And then I looked at him all scary like (but normal scary, not real scary - actually just more serious like, not really scary, I promise) and I said, "No, I would just be really MAD."
I figured it would probably be good to end it at that. But Opie had to pipe in, because, you know, kids DO THAT. So then he told his friend, "Yeah, and if she gets really mad she'll punch us in the face and stuff until we bleed."
I seriously have no idea why my kids don't have more friends over. Our house is SUPER FUN.