Dec 31, 2010

THE COOLEST POST EVER

I know that you think you have WAY better things to do right now than read my blog.  But let me tell you - it's soooooooooooooooooo worth reading this.  It really really is.  Just the amount of "o's" in that "so" should have convinced you already, but in case you need more persuasion, I now present to you...

42 REASONS TO READ THIS BLOG POST:

1. I'm more exciting than a barrel full of squishy piglets. 
2. And I showered today, so I actually smell better too.

3. Once I entered and won a pie eating contest - and I can tell you about it.
4. Fine, I didn't win.
5. FINE, I didn't even enter. 
6. Where does one enter a pie eating contest anyway?
7. I have played an actual game of Bunko before, which is probably the most interesting story that I can think of to tell you right now that is actually truly true.
8. At the Bunko game I had to tell my cousin not to eat the Jell-o because not all Jell-o is jiggly and sobriety friendly.
9. I kind of think it would have been funny if I had encouraged her to eat the Jell-o and then sat back and watched.
10. I kind of think it would have been funny if I never realized what was in the Jell-o so that we both ate it and then I could claim that I've been drunk, BUT ON ACCIDENT.
11. I wonder what I would be like drunk off of Jell-o?
12. More or less interesting?
13. Louder...possibly?
14. Probably just puking.
15. My college roommates and I said that we never needed alcohol to act stupid.  (It's true - we were good at being stupid ALL ON OUR OWN.)
16. And that's the story of the one time I played Bunko, but don't worry I have more to say.
17. If I didn't have anything important to say, why on earth would I be blogging at 2:11 AM?
18. Well, if you really must know, I'm blogging because I'm cleaning off my computer and there's a lot of "wait time" involved, because the worst of all worstsestes happened - I FILLED MY HARD DRIVE WITH CRAP.
19. And when I say "crap" I mean "important stuff that I need to keep on my hard drive".
20. When we bought this computer I thought, "Ooooooh-wee that's a lot of hard drive - we'll NEVER fill that!"
21. Sometimes I'm incredibly stupid.
22. Or just naive.
23. Let's go with naive.
24. So here I am with a full hard drive, and guess what else is feeling incredibly small and slow these days?  My ram.
25. Why is it even called "ram"? 
26. Does anyone know what that stands for? 
27. And why don't I have enough of it?
28. I only have about 367 programs on this thing - I should have enough ram for that, right?
29. And did you know that my computer is like 5 years old now?
30. That's a whole year past "should be dead in a shallow grave".
31. In case you were wondering why you were reading this incredibly stupid list - here's some VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION: computers are only good for 4 years.
32. It's true.  Ask a geek.  They'll tell you.  I'm right.
33. But we can't get a new computer.
34. Stupid money.....and the lack there of.
35. Also my laptop is wheezing it's last breaths and fluttering its last mechanical heartbeats - this is the laptop that is also my tablet - the one that I would pretty much DIE A HORRIBLE VOCATIONAL DEATH without. 
36. But I don't get a new laptop.
37. Stupid money.....grrr.
38. Also an external hard drive would be super (if we're talking about things I don't get to buy).
39. Nothing under a terabyte would be great.
40. 1 Terabyte = 1,000 Gigabytes.  1 Gigabyte = 1,000 Megabytes. 1 Megabyte = 1,000 Kilobytes.  And 1 Kilobyte = 1,000 Bytes.
41. Or is it Bits?
42. Who knows - we haven't been dealing with bytes/bits for like eons now.

Holy pigeons, I just reached #42 on my 42 reasons list!

That's amazing.

At yet my computer is still doing a "disk cleanup" and I still have to defrag it.

Want me to do another list?  Or should I just congratulate you on reading THE COOLEST POST EVER and let you go on your merry way?

Merry way, you say?

Ok.






The End.





That's it, I swear.









What are you still doing here?  GO AWAY ALREADY.





xoxoxo




BYE.

9 comments:

Monica said...

You make me laugh. That's awesome. You deserve a quote:

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
--Will Rogers

Monica said...

Oh! Oh! I found a better one:

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

--Red Skelton

Kristina P. said...

Love it! I have never played Bunco before. I am such a horrible Mormon.

Barbaloot said...

I don't understand any of the computer stuff. Not a word.

But I did win an ice crema eating contest once so...that's something, right?

cc said...

You are the only person that makes me laugh lately. You need to be in print.

Funny coincidence, we just watched the old Tron, after seeing the NEW Tron, and I was trying to figure out why they named the one program guy Ram. SO weird.

Cynthia said...

You always make me laugh! Reason #43- Melissa rocks! (and hey, I was SUPPOSED to be named Melissa- the folks changed my name at 3 days old. Melissa is a way cooler name than 'Cynthia').

Karen Peterson said...

Found you on Casual Bloggers.

You're funny.

That's all.

T said...

I DO know what RAM stands for...

but I'm not telling, because that makes me a geek.

and my geek side is just cool enough to know that it's not cool...

which is dangerous :)

Melanie Jacobson said...

I pay my husband in sex to do these things for me.