I have a new phobia. Because I don't have enough as it is. (By the way, does anyone know the technical medical term for the "fear of pyscho-stalker-killer hiding behind shower curtain?" I've had that one for years. Possibly it's just called paranoia.)
Currently, as in right now, I am afraid of sleep.
Seriously. It's a real phobia. Somniphobia. I just found it on Wikipedia, and Micheal on the Office said once that Wikipedia is never wrong. Plus, I'm pretty sure it's an actual phobia.
Wanna know why I'm afraid of sleep? (I actually have a good reason.)
Did you know that you're actually in a paralyzed state when you're sleeping? It's true. Google it. Apparently you have to be paralyzed so that you don't physically act out your dreams, or something like that.
But then sometimes, your mind wakes up but your body doesn't. So basically you think you just woke up, but your body won't move and your chest feels like something is sitting on it, and a lot of the times it's accompanied by vivid hallucinations. I'm not joking - I just read all about it.
And look at this:
That would be a painting called: The Nightmare. By Henry Fuseli. Pretty creepy, huh? That's because most cultures have interpreted Sleep Paralysis as some kind of demonic possession. The word "nightmare" is actually derived from some Norwegian term for Sleep Paralysis. (I told you I read all about it.)
Also I learned that the whole paralysis while sleeping thing mostly occurs during REM sleep. You know, 'cause you're dreaming.
And, guess what?
That's all I ever do. I don't actually enter any stages of deep sleep. I just dream. All night. Every night. Then I wake up exhausted the next day because my brain is tired from dreaming all night. But that's beside the point, because more importantly now I know that I am at risk for Sleep Paralysis and hallucinations every single time I close my eyes.
So I would say that I vow never to sleep again, but that's pretty much impossible. (Wikipedia told me that too.)
And because I also looked up sleep deprivation, which is pretty much the sum total of my life the past 7 years. (You have kids, you know what I mean. And don't even tell me that you get 8 hours of sleep every night or I'll just have to hate you, and call you names, out loud, to my laptop.)
Apparently sleep deprivation can cause all these horrible symptoms. I'll just list the ones I have:
-irritability (don't even bring it up, I do NOT want to talk about it.)
-high blood pressure
-increased risk for diabetes
-memory lapses or losses (man, do I ever.....wait, what?)
-slowed word recall (I never knew there was a real reason for this.)
-symptoms similar to ADHD or psychosis (so I'm not psychotic yet, depending on who you ask, don't ask my husband, he LIES, I know it, the voices tell me he does, especially when it involves losing my cell phone, I know he's hiding it during the day, from his office, downtown, with his telekinetic abilities...)
I originally thought that stress had killed off all of my brain cells, because I read in a magazine that it could do that. But now I'm wondering if I could just catch up on the loss of sleep from the past decade-ish I might actually be able to remember things and use real words when I try to talk.
I called the school today to set up an appointment for kindergarten registration, which I had forgotten to do, and luckily saw the paper that reminded me, because they're only doing it tomorrow. And when the front office lady picked up the phone I forgot the word "registration." And they have caller ID. And the front office lady knows me, sort-of-ish. So when I said, "Um, I need to set up a.....thing.....the kindergarten thing.....you know?" and she said, "You mean registration?" I really felt like a doofus.
So more sleep equals less doofusness. But a higher risk of Sleep Paralysis.
I'm almost thinking being a doofus is worth it.