Dec 17, 2009

shoving it all into one post (for time saving purposes, of course)

Opie is now 5.

I made him an 'Alien Slime' cake, which is just another name for 'it was 2 in the morning and I wasn't going to wait for it to cool to frost it, so everything melted, so it's a good thing I've done this before and knew to color the frosting green and call it slime' cake.

Slime must taste really good because yesterday Opie sneakily licked the cake left-overs clean, replaced the plastic wrap, and returned it to the 'high/safe' place I had it stashed. Then he denied the whole thing. Like I wouldn't notice - I mean, the thing was shiny from all the spit.


I've decided that Santa actually exists. Here's my theory:

In the beginning he seemed a jolly sort of fellow with nothing but good intentions. It was all a ploy of course, because he has always been a shrewd and greedy business man.

He worked for 50 years up in the North Pole - you know, the whole elves' toy shop and flying reindeer and ho ho ho stuff. It was a lot of work. He earned his title as the round bellied giver of gifts.

And then he stopped.

He let loose the reindeer, which were quickly eaten by polar bears. He sent all the elves to the jungle and renamed them pygmies. He grabbed a plate of cookies then sat back and watched every parent around the world scramble for the gifts their children had requested from Santa that, of course, he never delivered.

The tradition of Santa had stuck - there was no way kids were going to let that one go.

And so, to this day, sitting in his mansion, which is probably in the southern hemisphere just to be obnoxious, Santa, who's real name is Harold, does absolutely nothing leaving it all to the parents and fake-bearded mall workers, while he clears a nice little royalty off of every song, book, movie and website that mentions the words: Santa Claus.

Told you he was greedy. And I bet he hangs out with the Tooth Fairy and Bigfoot.


Last night, just after we said our family prayer, Monkey spontaneously decided to push his older sister off her knees. Then he continued to roll her around while he sang, "Boo da doo de do do da beeee."

It took us 2 full minutes to realize that he was singing the Oompa Loompa song and trying to shove Violet Beauregard the blueberry.

The cuteness meters were exploding - because that's a level of adorable that can't possibly be measured.


In closing, I will share my crafty side with you:

Teacher gifts this year. Because I don't know of a single teacher who doesn't want a clipboard rendered useless by mod podge* and ribbon.
*Mod podge is lovely for projects your kids are helping long as you want to make the whole family high from fumes in the process.


Barbaloot said...

Any child that spontaneously busts out Willy Wonka behavior is destined to be amazing as far as I'm concerned.

Nikia, May and da kids said...

Tell me another Santa story, won't ya' please? hahaha.

Yes,. I am looking for ways to make my whole family high. Mod podge. Who knew = )

check us out sometime

wonder woman said...

I licked the frosting off some cookies from neighbors last night, then let the kids eat the cookies. I don't like sugar cookies (what's the point of a cookie without chocolate?) and the kids really didn't need cookies AND frosting right before bed.

Opie can come live with me if you need.

And those clipboards are AWESOME.

Emmy said...

Great post!
And I like your Santa theory, I think you are on to something.

Cynthia said...

I love the licking of the frosting couple with the "Who me?" effect. LOL!

And you are right- there is all kinds of cuteness going on!~

Claire said...

My Momma says thay Santa is of the debil!

Alison Wonderland said...

Ah, the eating of the frosting off the cake and then denying it, I know it well. (Not that I'd ever do it of course, it's my son, no seriously, my kid's the one who did it...)

Hey, can you give us (or just me) an update on Sophie and Luke? My kids chose them as their Christmas service project so we've been donation (huge amounts, like $5) and I'd like to give them an update. (You can just email me if you want,