May 10, 2009

to myself, on mother's day

Dear Me,

Happy stinking Mother's Day.

You thought being a mother would be so great, didn't you? That your kids would be plump cheeked and easy to please? That you would be able to handle each precious child with happiness and ease?

You were wrong.

Motherhood is kicking your butt, and you know it.

Like yesterday when Opie was about to poop in his pull up -again- so he was rushed to the toilet just in time to smear poop over multiple surfaces? Remember that? Remember screaming, "WIPE YOUR BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!" repeatedly until you had to give yourself a time out? Yeah, that wasn't fabulous at all.

And remember on wednesday, the 572nd time Monkey came to you crying, "Owie owie owie owie owie owie owie!!!" and you didn't even look at him and just muttered, "You're fine, stop crying." Remember? That wasn't very nurturing, was it? How damaging is that to his little psyche?

And do you recall when you found out you were pregnant with your fourth child and you wanted to smash something and scream out in angst? But instead you remained in denial all through those torturous months of bedrest until your actual child was laying in your actual arms? Don't they say that a mother's attitude can affect a child in the womb? Way to go, Number Four is probably going to need lots of future therapy.

So go ahead and go to church and hear about how mothers are amazing, and listen to all the perfect examples of selfless, level headed parenting that is going to be mentioned in all the talks and lessons. Then hang up those little finger print molds and wear your macaroni necklace with pride. Because this whole Mom thing is much harder than you expected, but maybe if you put on a good enough show you can even convince yourself that you're doing a good job.

But in the meantime, maybe you should pull out that candy bar they handed out after Sacrament Meeting. Because chocolate might be the only thing that gets you through the next couple decades of child rearing.

Sincerely,
Me

10 comments:

wonder woman said...

We got a See's chocolate truffle as our Mother's Day treat. I was so very happy. My oldest saw me sneaking it out and said, "Mom! I love your candy!" To which I instantly replied, "I love it too!" and locked the bathroom door.

This is SO my kind of mother's day post. But I hope you had a good one, anyway.

RhondaLue said...

well of course a mother like you has to shove it in my face that YOU GOT CHOCOLATE.

We got a binder with Jesus pictures. It's great and all but..seriously?? NO CHOCOLATE!?

Imma make some noise if the fathers still get BIG HUNKS on fathers day-know that!

LisAway said...

How do I hear thee? Let me count the ways. Silly, Melissa, though. You're supposed to forget this stuff on Mother's day and focus on all the times you didn't hit your kids when you felt like it and how you totally give them something to eat every single evening and stuff like that.

But yeah, how appropriate that they give chocolate after talking about how blessed motherhood is. It's like Yes, it is a divine calling, and, Here, you'll be needing this candybar.

Rachel said...

And everyone wonders why I don't like mother's day. . .

ANd I am laughing because the "stop crying, you're fine" sounds exactly like me. Unless there is an open wound gushing blood, I'm not dealing with it.

So, chocolate it is. . .

Jen said...

I am SOOOO glad my ward finally got over the marigold thing for Mother's Day. Who wants marigolds when they could have chocolate?

And stop tormenting yourself, you're no worse than the rest of us. After a pregnancy scare, I actually dreamed I had the baby (would've been number FIVE) and gave it up for adoption while convincing myself that was the right thing to do.

Yeah. major guilt over that dream. And if makes you feel any better, I lock my kids out of the house all summer long too, and if they come to the door crying I make them show me blood THROUGH THE WINDOW before I let them in.

Feeliing better yet? Because I could go on, and on, and on...

Alison Wonderland said...

Chocolate bars as mother's day gifts. Best. Gifts. Ever.

Brooke said...

I think my neighbor took me serious when I said I would throw myself in front of the train in our neghborhood, if I became pregnant at this time in my life....probably because I was mostly serious.
On a less morbid note, we were given strawberry shortcake! I loved it.

Claire said...

I'm jus going to copy and paste this as a letter to myself.

you've saved me the bother.. :)

Jill said...

That's funny stuff! I could have written it myself.

Poo on Mother's Day.

Jaron and Michelle said...

After reading to think I have been baby hungery! Maybe your children may never have cousins from me lol