Tomorrow is my 28th birthday. I am almost 30.
Ok, actually I'm not that freaked out about it. Well, not yet. Seeing as I'm only almost 28. And in my mind I'm only like 22 AT MOST. So yeah, 30 should be fine. But ask me again in a couple of years, because I might want to dispute that.
I was thinking that if everyone chipped in I could get the gift I really want for my birthday. So open up your wallets and stuff, because I want to wake up in the morning totally skinny, perky boobed and wrinkle free.
And if I don't wake up that way, you know I am going to blame you. Yes, YOU.
Oh, and you know what else might be nice? If Screamer was completely potty trained. And we're talking, never have an accident his entire life kind of potty trained. None of this, still has to wear pull-ups to bed, type nonsense. So get right on that - your only hope at this point seems to be sleep hypnosis, because I also expect this first thing in the morning as well and it's a quarter to midnight.
And, just because I'm not done typing, I've decided to re-nickname my children for bloggish purposes. We go through nicknames fast around here. For the first few weeks of our marriage I called my husband "Mr Pants" "Paco" and "Buck Rogers" until he finally got so confused that he couldn't remember his middle initial for a job application. And so they picked someone else for the brain-surgeon position, and now he's just a lowly peg leg salesman. It's tragic really.
So my oldest child, formerly referred to as "Curly", is now going to be called "Two Bits." Because she likes to add onto every conversation with what is obviously the most important opinion - hers. She's such a five year old.
"Screamer" might just keep his name.....we'll come back to him.
And unless we want to change "Monkey" into like "Guitar Monkey" or "Insane-O Monkey" or something, he's keeping his for sure. Oooooh, what about "Axel Monkey" which is a play off of "Axel Rose" and "Grease Monkey" (you know, how you put grease on an axle......people really put grease on axles, right? Um.....now I'm not so sure....let's just stick with "Monkey.")
The baby, confusingly referred to as "Cheeks" in a couple of past entries will now be called "Number Four." Because I want to. So there.
I guess we're back to Screamer, huh? Any suggestions? He's a boy who doesn't like peeing in toilets, eating food that isn't chocolate milk in his Lightening McQueen cup (so don't even think about using that green one, or even one with Spiderman on it, even though he loves Spiderman, and can tolerate the color green, he just can't drink chocolate milk out of them, end of story.) He also told me that his favorite animal is a giraffe. And if the kid had any more Transformers he wouldn't be able to fit on his bed at night, because, yes, they all have to be there. SOOOOOO comfy. What kind of nickname fits?
And in closing -since this is like a well organized speech and I need a conclusion- I found out that you can give your toddler double the amount on infant ibuprofen at 1:30 AM while being half asleep and then freak out about it and call poison control as you plan routes to the emergency room and then find out from the really nice poison control lady that it's not even a big deal because adults take double doses all the time and just to go back to bed already. Yes, there was freaking outedness going on. Yes, he was just fine. And yes, he slept REALLY well after that.