Aug 20, 2010

I lit the kitchen on fire AGAIN today

Well, not the actual kitchen.  Just something IN the kitchen. 

This tends to be a hobby of mine.  Not like one of those "Oooh goodie, I think I'll take up knitting" kind of hobbies.  But more like an "at least we don't have to test our smoke detectors this month" kind. 

(And who really tests their smoke detectors monthly?  Recently all the batteries needed changing in ours - which we found out when they all started going insane at 2 AM one night.  But other than that night, or when I'm lighting something on fire, I generally just forget they're there.)

I first started noticing my pyro-kitchen talents right after I got married.  Our first apartment was so crappy we didn't even have an oven.  We just had a toaster oven.  And I'm convinced that toaster ovens have a natural ability to start fires easily.  Therefore, it was hardly my fault.

Once I started a fire with one of those automatic bread machine thingies. 

There have been many incidences with the toaster.  But haven't we all set a fire with a toaster before?  Come on, be honest.

And you can't tell me that it isn't SUPER common to pull a smoldering bag of popcorn out of the microwave at least once a year.  Also, air-poppy-popcorn-maker-things can produce an impressive display of smoke when provoked.

I lit a pizza on fire once.  Actually, I think it was just smoking.  And it wasn't even burnt.  It was just smoking....go figure.

Today it was potatoes in one of those little infrawave countertop ovens.  Which is basically just a glorified toaster oven, and once again, NOT MY FAULT.  (Unless you consider that I was the one that set the timer and ended up with charcoal potatoes instead of lunch.)

But in all of my kitchen fire cases I have never caused any real damage.  Mostly they're just big shows of blackened food and plumes of smoke.  Every once in awhile I see actual flames, but they're usually tiny and die before I can even freak out or anything.

Also, I'm pretty sure it's something genetic. 

Once when my mom was young she set a high chair tray on fire with a stovetop.  It was so bad she had to beat down the flames with a baby blanket.

And when I was in high school, my older sister was baking some cinnamon rolls and I walked into the kitchen to find flames lining the element on the bottom of our oven.  I had to run out of the house like a lunatic, screaming, "The kitchen's on fire!!!" because my mom was shoveling snow off the driveway.  All my sister did was stand there and laugh at me like I was a dork, when it was HER fault there was a fire in the first place.

So if you think about it, even when I'm not using a toaster oven, it's not really my fault at all.  Although I should probably invest in a fire extinguisher.  Or just keep a couple of these around, you know, just in case:

p.s. You can still get a free photobook from Picaboo!  You have until the end of the month to order.  It's totally worth it.  Scroll down a couple posts and click on that box to get one.  And I mean it - IT'S TOTALLY WORTH IT.


Kristina P. said...

I'll give my husband your address.

Melanie J said...

Why, WHY do smoke alarms always go off at two in the morning? I wouldn't care as much if those fireman actually showed up but no. It's just the shrieking. Dear heavens, the shrieking.

Alison Wonderland said...

Toaster oven fires don't even count.

MomBabe said...

I blew up our oven once. True story.

"Momma! There's fireworks in the oven!"

That day was awesome.

mommabas said...

I'll take the one on the right.

LisAway said...

Oh yes, it's always a good idea to have models dressed as firemen and smeared with charcoal on hand.

Cynthia said...

Nice photo! My Hubs was such a beefcake when we got married. Sigh. Swoon. After 14 years with me, he's now more 'cake' than 'beef'. Sigh again (and looking back at the fireman photo).

I'm glad you haven't had any serious fires. Please keep that going!

Claire said...

Sorry - I've forgotten what your post was about... all i can remember was that picture of... well. Ripped, dirty, toned, glistening torsos. Yeah... I remember the picture..

Melanie said...

Actually the high chair tray fire was Carrie's fault too! She turned the burner on!!! So I have no blame in that one! LOL

Allen Hoffman said...

You definitely have a unique hobby, Melissa! Hahaha! Just kidding. :) It is a good thing that your kitchen did not suffer any serious damage due to recurring fire incidents. Just to be sure, check and inspect the space. There might be hidden damages that cannot seen by the naked eyes.