because I really can't get enough of myself

Did you hear about that Charmin Ambassador job in New York? $10,000 just to be really enthusiastic about using the loo. I like going to the bathroom. I like it enough to work in New York for 6 weeks being a restroom attendant for that much money. Now I just need to find some way to get to New York... I had something really wittingly blog worthy knocking around in my brain about a half hour ago. Beats me now what it was. So, I have stupid dreams (I'll blog about that, since the witty idea is obviously on vacation.) The kind you have in that half awake/half asleep state. And the more tired I am, the more dumb the dreams, and the less actual rest I get. A few nights ago I dreamed that I was using someone else's toothbrush, because I was hanging out in their living room (still don't know who this someone was) and they also had a sink and toothbrush holder RIGHT there. So why not brush? Then my dream jumped to watching my grandma riding a bright purple bike past some wheat ...

The Preschool that Lacie (my brother-in-law's wife) had been working at is holding a fundraiser for their babies. W H E N : October 30, 2009 W H E R E : Little Wonders Learning Center 3223 S. Main St, Nibley Utah T I M E : 6:00 - 8:30 pm There will be fun games and activities for all ages as well as a Silent Auction. All proceeds go to the Bastow Family (

So when it comes to your kids, how do you know if you're being a strong advocate, or you're just insanely over zealous/paranoid? I know I've mentioned it before, but my kids have some developmental issues. They all have "stuff" to deal with in varying degrees and in different stages. Yet, they're fairly normal. But, at the same time, they're not. Normal. Or "typical," depending on how you'd like to word that. To me, "normal" would be a kid who can be quirky and odd, yet goes through life functioning just fine. And then "not normal" would be the kids who can't function because they aren't just quirky and odd, they really have issues. My kids are drifting between "normal" and "not normal." They seem to be doing ok, and then it happens and I'm reminded that they don't quite fit into either category. We've seen specialists, and therapists, and even at one point a Pediatric Genetic...

No, it's not 1 AM and NO, I'm posting on my blog about nothing in particular. This is all just a dream.... You are feeling very sleeeeeepy...... Ok, so really I'm being fueled by a bottle of Diet Coke (with lime) a couple handfuls of M&Ms. Also, I'm a night owl. Also, I'm really going to hate myself in the morning when I have to get up early to make cookies to take to Super Saturday where I signed up to make a craft, in which I have to finish in time to head over to the pumpkin patch with my kids and in-laws, in which doesn't involve a nap at any point of the day. Hey, did you know that it's perfectly normal to have running dialogue going inside your head at all times? PERFECTLY NORMAL. I tell you. I read it in a book today. Well, I read something kind of like that in a book today. And it was a psychology book, so it's totally true. However it never mentioned anything about bursting into laughter at seemingly nothing when you think that the convers...

Guess who is the happiest person on the planet who, although currently has a raging migraine, just found out that season 5 of the Office is now viewable online on Netflix and has been DYING to watch Jim and Pam's wedding but won't allow herself to watch any of the Office episodes out of order and therefore thought she had to sufferably wait for the standard one DVD at a time shipping method of Netflix watching before ever finally arriving at the current season's shows because it took her much much too long to discover that the Office is the most hilarious show in the universe? That would be me. Raging migraine aside. As a side note, check out my Etsy shop . You surely won't be disappointed. Unless, that is, you aren't looking for really awesome baby hats and/or Christmas photo cards. Which everyone is, right? RIGHT?! Now onto the Office.

Lonely, slightly insane, and exceptionally dorky 28 year old seeks friend to share dollar night at the movie theater, trips to Barnes and Noble, and occasional imaginary island get-aways (but only the islands with hot cabana boys.) Must bring your own dollar for movie night, and we're totally not sharing popcorn, so get your own. You will also be required to walk aimlessly around the book store looking at nothing in particular until we get to the young adult section where we will then compare different representations of teenage vampires. And, please , do not bring your children along on our fantasy trips to hot cabana boy island. Contact Melissa at: ohmygoshwhydon'tyoujustmakefriendsalready@whataloser.com (not a real email....although I dare you to try and send spam to it.)

Sometimes Monkey gets in these moods where he must constantly destroy. You know how Mother Nature comes calling every month, turning you into a menstruating, cramping zit-faced monster? Monkey is kind of like that. Minus the whole menstruating thing (and zits...and probably cramps.) It's like once a month someone comes in and replaces my semi-crazy two year old with a psychotic mass of destruction equal to the force of 37 out of control robots times 90 mile per hour gale force winds. I can always tell it's coming. I can see it in his eyes. Also things start getting destroyed, which is a pretty obvious indicator. It's too bad a bottle of Midol and some super plus tampons will do nothing for this. When are they going to create "Crazy Monkey of Destruction" pills? It would help if they came in chewable form although I'm not opposed to intravenous doses either (instant results - that would be pleasant.)

Seriously, Brad? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Also, does it make me a horrible person if I find joy in the fact that the biological children of two of most acclaimed beautiful people (Brad and Angelina) aren't spectacularly gorgeous? Their kids are cute, but there is really nothing extraordinary about them. They just look like kids. Suri Cruise on the other hand was born beautiful. It's too bad her father is a total lunatic. And of course my kids were created as beauty itself. They were born, and still are, the most gorgeous children that will ever exist. Even when I'm out of town and Husband takes them into public with mis-matched clothes and crazy hair that hasn't seen a comb for two days. (I know you're probably questioning my claim to beautiful children now, but trust me, as their mother I have never seen cuter kids than my own.) And someone please tell Brad to shave. And burn that jacket. And possibly ditch those sunglass forever. I can't tell him myse...

It was nice to get away. Although weekends like that should last about 3 months instead of 3 days. But I got to see my little sister who is only 15 weeks pregnant and already popping a stomach - glad it's not me this time (except she'll still probably weigh less than me once she's full term, which is marginally depressing, and only made better by the fact that I am just fat and THANK HEAVENS not pregnant.) And I got to make a bouquet out of multicolored water balloons and bendy straws for my step-sister's 16th birthday. I also got to be on the freeway for the first snowstorm of the season - and you know how much fun that always is. I'm glad that the city I live in is probably the most mild-climated in the entire state, which means that we don't have snow here. Just rain. And worms on the sidewalk. And on friday I got to hang out with the parents of these little angels: Although they closed the NICU to visitors (other than parents and grandparents) because of the...

After some impulsive planning and inviting myself into my cousin's roadtrip, I get to go visit my family ALL ON MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't gone anywhere sans husband or kids in over 8 1/2 years. That's almost a decade. (we're rounding up, ok?) And I get to leave in like 15 minutes!!!!!!!! Do I need to tell you that I'm excited or do the multiple exclamation points make that clear enough?