Skip to main content

late at night

My brain has decided that it will only sleep between the hours of 4AM and noon.  And it doesn't matter how much my tired body complains, or how early I am required to get out of bed in the morning, my brain simply refuses to let sleep happen. 

I think I've stayed up late working one too many nights and now my brain is just hardwired for the no sleeping thing. 

Plus, Husband's snoring has been reeeeeally bad lately.  You know how some people call snoring "sawing logs"?  He's singlehandedly taking down a giant Redwood forest.  And how am I supposed to sleep in the same bed as a huge mutant chainsaw?  Especially when he's facing my side of the bed.  Because then, not only is he loud, but he also BREATHES on me.  I really can't handle it when people breathe on me.

The other night I was super exhausted but it was only midnight, so the plan was to read until I got tired.  And I had a free self-published chick lit novel all cued up on my ipad, so that's what I read.  I didn't have really high hopes for it, because, you know, it was free self-published chick lit, but the synopsis said it had ghosts in it and you know how I can never refuse ghosts.

IT WAS THE DUMBEST STORY EVER.

The main character was every stereotype rolled into one person.  She was an independent, strong willed push over, who was self-rightesouly shallow and intelligently naive.  Also, she was the optimal height, skinny, bronzed and amply chested.  And of course she was above things like makeup, but deemed a local beauty.

Like most chick lit, she was on the verge of social flat line when suddenly she had to choose between two equally gorgeous and emotionally similar men.  Except that one of these men was A GHOST.  Which would have made an semi-interesting plot line, if the author had thought to develop the plot at all.

It went like this:

She moves into a cottage on the seaside.  A ghost forms in front of her.  He's shirtless.  She goes, "Woah, you're a ghost."  He says, "Yes, I hang out here a lot."  They have a few awkward conversations that involve in no way how dumb it is that she's talking to a ghost about deeply personal topics that had no prelude whatsoever.  One night the ghost realizes he can touch her.  In a matter of half a sentence everyone jumps to the wild assumption that this means he coming back to life.  She freaks out and runs away.  The ghost disappears forever.

Her other love interest was a wealthy business tycoon that had broad shoulders, icy blue eyes and chiseled abs.  Of course he had a undeniable reputation of being a horrific womanizer, which he denied constantly.  He forces her on a date, then man handles her, then yells at her, then shoves her into the ocean after she tells him it's her biggest fear, then forces her to stay in his mansion.  But she loves him anyway because he has a secret albino daughter, and once he bought her an expensive dress, and because his chiseled abs are just too hard to refuse.  And then they get married.  The end.

I read the whole book in one insomnia-liscious night.  And it really wasn't worth it. 

I wish I could just sleep.

Also, I want to write my paranormal romance mock-novel more than ever now.

Comments

Jenny P. said…
I read what I can only guess was an equally horrible self published chick lit novel over the holidays. It was like watching a train wreck. It was horrible... every single sentence, and yet, I couldn't bring myself to NOT finish it. It was as if somehow I kept hoping it would get better. It didn't. Lesson learned.

And I have insomnia too. I blame it on the pregnancy. I'll be completely exhausted, my house will be absolutely quiet, and I will be laying in bed wide eyed and totally awake. Not fair. Not even a little.
Barbaloot said…
I don't know why you didn't like it. I would totally choose to stay with a man that shoved me into the ocean...

Seriously, that sounds horrifying.
elesa said…
I don't know what you are talking about. It sounds lovely. And very moving.
Cynthia said…
At least you got the joy of mockery out of reading it, and that is REAL joy!

I am up at 12:40 after 2 nights in a row of 1:30- 2:30 am and getting up at 7:00 no matter what. I'm sitting next to you on the 'I've totally messed up my internal clock' thing. Sigh.

Popular posts from this blog

GIVEAWAY (of the photo Christmas card variety)

I think I just creeped out my four year old. I pulled out the, "You'd better go to bed because Santa's Elves are watching you to make sure you're being good!" routine. His eyes got big, and round, and scared. And he said, "Why would they do that?!" Also, our church building burned down yesterday. No wait, it didn't. But the alarm went off, and the entire ward just sat there in the chapel (and gym, because we have an enormous ward.) I sat there too. I don't know what everyone else was thinking, but the thought going through my head was, "Can somebody please get that alarm turned off, it is WAY TOO LOUD!!!!" Seriously, I think our ward is now 37% deafer after that. Oh, and there was no actual fire. And the first fire truck to show up was driven by one of our ward members who was on duty that day. Good times. And now, that GIVEAWAY: For procrastinators everywhere (that would include me) I'm giving away one free photo Christmas card d

little pieces of my heart will be for sale at D.I.

I have this thing about my kids clothes. The thing is, I LIKE BUYING THEM CLOTHES. I get in trouble frequently for this. It's just that the old ones get so boring after awhile. And I hate it when the really cheap clothes look like poop after washing them a couple of times. Luckily, I live in a city that has outlet stores. I love outlet stores (and Ebay!) Alot of the time you can find higher quality clothes for Walmart prices so how could I NOT buy them? It would be like wasting money for me NOT to get a couple $4 shirts at OshKosh. Right? RIGHT?!! The problem is - we have tiny closets. Miniature, puny, ridiculous, TINY closets. The other problem is - I have saved EVERYTHING. Not only are the kids' closets chuck full of stuff, but we have multiple rubbermaid bins in our garage full of baby clothes they've all grown out of. Also, we may not be having any more children. And I say "may not" because if I say "for sure not" someone will have to co

The Barrel giveaway : SNIS Handmade Leather Goods

As seen in this month's issue of The Barrel I'm giving away one leather keychain or bracelet from SNIS . Their keychains crack me up.  In a really good way.  Like, if I was to ever have a grumpy day (like every day) and I see something like that on my keychain, then I doubt I'll be able to scream at my kids as well. Also, good news!  Even those of you who don't win can get 15% off everything in their shop!  Just enter the code: THEBARREL to get the discount. If you win this giveaway you get to choose the bracelet or keychain out of SNIS's etsy shop (and they have a bunch to choose from): All giveaways associated with The Barrel end on March 15th at 11:59 PM MT. Here's how to enter: 1- For ONE entry: visit SNIS's etsy shop then leave a comment on this post about which is your favorite product. 2- For another ONE entry you can "heart" SNIS's etsy shop. (Leave a separate comment telling me that you "hearted" them.)