because I really can't get enough of myself

Oh, Halloween.  You're so.......not as much fun this year. The proof: 1) I didn't even hang our decorations this year.  Because, you know, meh. 2) Nobody gets a new costume.  Usually everyone gets a new one.  This year we're doing repeats. 3) We have craptastic candy.  Because Husband picked it this year instead of me.  Usually I at least get those big cheap bags with tootsie roll stuff in them.  Actually, I didn't know there was anything cheaper than those big bags with tootsie roll stuff.  Apparently there is.  And that's what we're handing out this year. 4) No church trunk-or-treat.  Which means we have to actually walk door to door and do regular trick-or-treating if we want candy.  Which is a pain.  I LIKE TO BE LAZY.  5) The weather can't decide if it's cold or warm.  Make up your mind, weather.  I need to know how many layers to throw on my kids so we can NOT be lazy and walk door to door. 6)...

Every once in awhile my stone cold heart betrays me.  Usually I can keep a pretty steady demeanor of unaffected "whatever"ness when it comes to things like crying and.....ok, pretty much just crying.  Because crying is evil and I hate doing it. Then I'll suddenly have a day when my extra womanly hormones kick in, or my "not enough sleep" meter fills up, or the evil fairies of crying torture find me and then EVERYTHING makes me tear up.  And it's super obnoxious. This morning I was trying to answer emails, and Monkey wanted to play this game he created where every time I say "slugger monkey" he jumps on his hands and knees around the room.  Except he could only jump once for each time I said it.  And saying "slugger monkey" every half second while trying to type emails got old pretty fast so I put on my super excited face and said, "Let's listen to music and you can dance!"  So then I turned on pandora and the third son...

I've been watching a lot of sci-fi during the past week and a half.  (Basically, my ipad and netflix have been my constant companions.)  And there's just one thing that I really have to ask:  Why are we building robots?! (I'm looking at you, Japan.) I think it's pretty clear by now that if humans are ever going to be overthrown as the dominate power on this planet it's going to happen at the hands of ROBOTS. Sure, they start as simple machines.  But then we have to make them look more like people, and then we give them personalities, and then eventually along the robotic evolutionary path they start becoming self-aware, and then the next thing you know they realize that they are stronger, smarter and just plain more awesome than human beings, and THERE GOES THE HUMAN RACE. It's all so obvious.  Otherwise they wouldn't have so many shows about it.  Plus also, it just makes sense.  So stop making robots (Japan), because I like being the dominate...

You know when you can't laugh, because you know it will cause excruciating pain, but then something hilarious happens and you keep telling yourself, "don't laugh, don't laugh, GAH, DON'T LAUGH", until your body betrays you and you let out one really huge guffaw, and then you die in excrutiating pain? I HATE THAT. So, I survived surgery. Before the actual surgery the dr was all, "oh, THAT little hernia that has been causing you large quantities of pain for over 3 years? So not a big deal, the surgery is a piece of cake." (And this was after he killed me, as explained previously by way of cartoons.) Then, after the surgery, the dr was all, "yeah, you had the most painful lapriscopic surgery possible, which requires 9 incisions and a 6x6 inch piece of mesh, so, like I said before, piece of cake." AND He knew all along that I would be having "the most painful lapriscopic surgery", from the very beginning. But did he war...

Tomorrow, at noon, I will be carved like a turkey. Ok, FINE, it's just laparoscopic surgery, BUT STILL. I'm not really excited for it to happen.  Not because the idea of surgery really scares me.  This will be the 11th surgery I've had - at this point, surgery is just kind of annoying.  (Well, at least THIS surgery is.  My eyeball surgeries were really painful, so yeah, those were moved beyond annoying and into NEVER AGAIN.) The most annoying thing about having surgery is stuff like being forced to wear a hospital gown and not being allowed a bra.  Because I guess it's easier to resuscitate someone during surgery when their boobs are all flopping around.  Or something. And they tell you not to wear stuff like mascara or deodorant.  Which is really lame.  They won't be anywhere near my eyelashes or armpits on this one, so I'm totally wearing both.  And I might even have on eyeliner.  And chapstick.  Because I'm a huge chapsti...

I think about worms a lot.  When I was in jr high we had a parasitical worm section and my biology teacher was slightly, um, memorable.  (He was a total weirdo.)  And he told us all about how everyone has worms because they're so easy to get.  And how he's seen doctors remove little kids eyeballs because they thought they saw a tumor in there, but it turned out just to be a worm. It was majorly creepy.  So now I'm constantly worried that I have worms.  And everytime I have an eyebooger I'm like, "aaaaah, is it a worm?!"  But I'm hoping that with as often as doctors look at my eyeballs they'd be able to tell if there was a worm in there by now.  (And I'm just going to ignore the other 500 places in a human body that a worm can hide, so don't even mention it ok?) switching gears now You know what I think is annoying?  (Besides the obvious things like claw bangs and Bob Saget.)  On tv or movies when someone is trying to be really cove...

I have hermit-ish tendencies.  Or more aptly put, I NEVER LEAVE MY HOUSE. At first it was my kids' fault.  Because for years I had little tiny kids that were a major pain in the butt to take anywhere.  Just the thought of getting in the car was enough of a deterrent. I always had to plan an extra 7-12 minutes for each time I had to buckle all of them in their carseats.  And how often is it that you just need to go one place when you're out?  NEVER.  So there would be the whole, buckle, unbuckle, buckle, unbuckle, buckle, unbuckle routine until I was so tired of seatbelts I never wanted to get in a car again. I used to be able to leave in the evenings though.  And run away for awhile to exotic places like the library or Shopko.  And I only had to worry about buckling myself in.  And I could play really loud hard rock in the car without having to worry about damaging baby psychies or eardrums.  And it sort of kept me from being so much...