my medical condition

I just wrote this in an email, but because I think I am hilarious beyond reason I thought I'd post it here too:

I have been suffering from a serious medical condition the past few weeks.  The medical term for this condition is Lazeeassitis with severe Motivational Deficiency.  I've been looking for treatments everywhere - the movie theater, McDonalds, at the bottom of a Doritos bag, in the game Candy Crush, and I've even been reading a series of paranormal teen fiction, but I just can't seem to find anything that will cure me.  I've been thinking about seeing a specialist about it, but no one makes home visits these days so that's out.  Perhaps it's terminal and I'll just have to lay around sipping cherry coke while watching Netflix until I die.  

Goodbye cruel world......