I find that I'm not really fitting in lately. Ok, rewind, I have never really felt like I exactly fit in, ever. I've always been a little awkward. But lately, it's been much more apparent.
We moved to our current abode last October. And I know that's not an incredibly long time to live somewhere, but long enough to make a few church friends, right?
Today we were at the public library catching a puppet show and checking out some books. As we were looking at Star Wars graphic novels a kid came up to Monkey and goes, "Hey, I know you!" And then he proceeded to tell us all about how they're in the same class at church. Monkey was super shy, but this kid went on and on and on.
Then the kid goes, "MOM - come over here, I know them!"
So then his mom comes over. Obviously she goes to the same church as us. Since October. And she's like, "How do you know them?" And then I tell her that they're in the same church class. And honestly I didn't know her kid, so it was totally ok with her not knowing Monkey. But then she said, "Oh, how nice....." and had one of those obvious fake smiles plastered to her face where you could tell she was trying to think of an excuse to leave as quickly as possible.
I'm not good at the obvious fake smile. Or perhaps mine is just much MUCH too obvious, which would make me an expert? I dunno. Either way, I decided that it would be best to just go back to looking at Star Wars books and make it easy for the church lady to go away. Which she did.
And that pretty much sums up all the local interaction I've had here.
The only person I can exclude from this is my next door neighbors. Not the drunk guys who live on the other side of our duplex (who just moved anyway) but the one in the house next to that. Those people are pretty cool. And our kids play together outside pretty much every day.
But I think I scare them.
I have to work a lot. Which means that I sit at my computer lots and lots and lots. So I don't talk to them too much, even though they see my kids daily. But then when I do actually have a conversation with them, it's been so long since I've had adult social interaction that I turn into a 3 year old and questions start spewing out of my mouth like this: "What are you doing? How long does that take? Is it hard? Your living room is fabulous, what did it look like before you remodeled? What about this light, was it there before? Oooh, look at your kitchen - did you do the subway tiles yourself? That's awesome. Where did you live before this? When is your daughter's birthday? Do you have a dog? How long have you been married? What color is your toothbrush?"
Also, sometimes I forget that some people aren't ok when I forget to use filters.
I think I need to take a class where everyone just has to sit around and practice "polite conversation". Or if there was a class called "People Skills for Beginners" I might be able to learn something. Maybe then I could perfect my fake smile.
And then, just maybe, I'll be able to fit in better here......