because I really can't get enough of myself

So I was reading about Jen's first kiss under the stars and I was thinking, "Hey I kissed a guy under the stars once....or twice...OH WAIT, three times. Wow, I'm easy." And then I remembered that there really aren't that many guys that I have kissed and so it doesn't even sound impressive (or easy) in my mind anymore. Two of those star kissings were actually quite lovely (one was with my husband, so it's all sappy and boring.) But there is one that could use a little bloggy attention. So here you go: When I was in high school I worked at McDonald's. And there was a guy who also worked at McDonald's who had a crush on my sister....who also worked at McDonald's. Clearly McDonald's was THE place to work in my hometown....or we were all geeks. I'm not really sure (ok, I am sure we were all geeks, but I have obviously grown past that....right? RIGHT?!!) My sister didn't like this McDonald working guy - she said he was a geek. WHAT? But i...

Once upon a time there was a woman with frizzy hair that often was put into ponytails. Not that she didn't want to do her hair, but taking care of her 78 children often prevented her from doing simple tasks such as doing hair (or washing hair for that matter.) Also she didn't really have 78 kids, only 4, but sometimes they seem to multiply and get louder and more demanding. One afternoon the woman caught her toddler writing all over the tile with a turquoise crayon, while simultaneously dripping snot from his ill little nose. In the background a chorus of coughing and sniffing came from the other children. A bill from an earlier chest x-ray was laying on the table next to a pile of unwashed pajamas and a to-do list that took up at least 148 pages ( not double spaced, font point 10 - it was a long list.) The woman wanted to scream and rip the frizzy ponytails from her head, except that she was too busy yawning and drinking large amounts of caffeine just to keep her eyelid...

You know that book that Sue was doing for the Nienie Recovery Fund? Yeah, the one where I DID THE COVER (because that's what's most important here.) It's done!!! Go: here HERE or here OR here HEEEERE here or here to buy it. (Don't get too excited - they all link to the same thing. But it's just too great of a book to get only one measly little link.)

Did anyone catch Wheel of Fortune tuesday night? The guy who won is one of our church friends. Which makes me practically famous now. He had a big party, and channel 2 news came and everything. And today, I got to go retrieve his big bowl of mostly gone chicken salad from the clubhouse refrigerator before the punk kid who cleans could throw it away. Like I said, practically famous. Husband is mad at me because I'm staying up late to work again tonight (shhhh, don't tell him I'm blogging.) Mostly the reason that he's mad is because I have been staying up really late the past few nights and haven't been turning the light off when I go to bed. Wanna know why? Because it creeps me out. I hate the dark. And if I turn off the light downstairs I have to take like 4 steps to get to the stairs. And we have a stair light, but there is a shadow on the bottom few steps, and so that adds like another giant go-up-three-stairs-in-one-step to the previously mentioned 4 step...

You wanna know what I bought at Costco yesterday? Sure you do. Oh, by the way, creepy things have not happened since the watch. Apparently my little poltergeist has something better to do. That's right, I am such a dull person that I even bore the dead. ANYWAYS. Costco - that really is a lovely store. We just renewed our membership after a year without one. And I am pleased to announce that I am the proud new owner of: a 12 pound bag of baking soda Yes, that's a big bag. And I know that people use it for things like cleaning, and brushing their teeth, and laundry stain removal. Not me, though. I just use it for occasional baking. This bag of baking soda should last me a couple thousand years. It's pretty thrilling. Oh hey, did you notice that I finally took the turkey wings off the pig in my header? Yeah, it was about time. I made the pig put a coat on, because I didn't want it to catch a cold. My sister gave me a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble for my b...

...who you gonna call? No, really. Who? So I'm sitting here, just waiting for the next weird thing to happen. Hoping it doesn't, but already freaking out inside, because I've been walking around my house in a frightened stupor for a couple of days now. Not that things are flying around, or dishes are voluntarily throwing themselves from our shelves. Nor have I seen full blown apparitions. But I get the feeling that someone is messing with me. As in, someone not alive. As in, the freakiest feeling on earth. But only when the kids are asleep and Husband is gone, and I am ALL ALONE. I'm not so excited about this. But still, nothing huge has happened - not that that was an invitation, whoever you are. (Do ghosts read blogs?) So it could still be my imagination....maybe. Yesterday, I put my kids on their busses and stuck the little ones in bed. I was eating my lunch and wasting time online when something started beeping. Watch like beeping. (Or bomb like beepin...

Weird stuff is going on here today and I'm starting to get a leeeetle bit freaked out. Example number one: Every school day I let the two little ones nap until the very second that I have to pick up Two Bits from school. And we can't be late picking her up, because we have to be back in time to get Opie off of the bus. It's a very complicated process. Ok, it's not really. Kind of a pain though. So, today, it's time to go. I grab my phone off the desk, put it into my hoodie pocket and head to the bathroom really quickly before grabbing the sleeping kids. Fast forward a few minutes. I'm sticking Number Four in her carrier carseat when I see Monkey pick up one of those foam puzzle piece thingies....a little one....one he particularly loves to chew and could possibly choke on. But instead of eating it, he brings it over and drops it behind the baby in the carseat. Problem solved. Fast forward another minute. We're walking into the garage, and I reach into ...

...if I weren't afraid that more snow would fall out of the bullet hole. Why is it snowing so much today? WHY?!!! Oh yeah, that's right, because it's the first day back to school and I actually have to leave my house. I just had to scrape a snow-shovel-wide path down our front sidewalk so that Opie (the new "Screamer" thanks, Jen) could get to his bus. And then I still had to carry him over the mounds in the road to get on it. He has short legs. The kid would have never made it on his own. But the sky is not done, and the snow continues to fall. Would you believe that yesterday we didn't have a single flake anywhere on our residence? Stupid weather. In a completely unrelated note, I beat my husband 10 to 3 last night at Electronic Guess Who EXTRA. My kids got the game for Christmas - it's way more fun than the old Guess Who because you get to push buttons for 'yes' and 'no.' Also you can choose from different casts of characters, wh...

Tomorrow is my 28th birthday. I am almost 30. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Ok, actually I'm not that freaked out about it. Well, not yet. Seeing as I'm only almost 28. And in my mind I'm only like 22 AT MOST. So yeah, 30 should be fine. But ask me again in a couple of years, because I might want to dispute that. I was thinking that if everyone chipped in I could get the gift I really want for my birthday. So open up your wallets and stuff, because I want to wake up in the morning totally skinny, perky boobed and wrinkle free. Got it? And if I don't wake up that way, you know I am going to blame you. Yes, YOU. Oh, and you know what else might be nice? If Screamer was completely potty trained. And we're talking, never have an accident his entire life kind of potty trained. None of this, still has to wear pull-ups to bed, type nonsense. So get right on that - your only hope at this point seems to be sleep hypnosis, because I also expect this first thing in the morni...