because I really can't get enough of myself

Once upon a time some birds moved into our ceiling. "Your ceiling?" You say, "Surely you mean something else?" To which I reply, "No, I mean ceiling.  And don't call me Shirley." The birds have made a hole is the house just above my bedroom window which allows them easy access into the ceiling.  At first different birds tried to lay claim to the new nesting territory and chaos ensued.  One time Two Bits compared the noise to a squirrel and a bird killing each other, so I had to calm her nerves by stating that squirrels aren't stupid enough to challenge a pointy-beaked, crazed feather duster over something as gross as our crappy duplex. Things were just getting ridiculous.  The bird world rumbles that were occurring above our heads were enough to make the Sharks and the Jets dismiss any feelings of prettiness from Maria.  In the end, however, the finer sex overthrew all conflict and now we're hosting a birdy love shack. I don't kno...

It's been raining all day.  But when it came time to pick Monkey up from kindergarten I didn't care about the weather.  I thought, "Oh yeah?  Forget you rain - we have these things called UMBRELLAS!" And then Number Four and I left to walk to the school. The first thing I quickly noticed was that a four year old yielding an umbrella makes not a pleasant walking companion.  She was whacking me all over the place with that thing, because instead of watching where she was going she kept looking up at the center of the umbrella or down at her feet. The second thing I noticed was that a day of downpour equals overflowing curb gutters.  The flow of water was so wide that I had a hard time spanning them in one giant stride, and with a couple of little kids in tow we might as well have been crossing a river.  We made it to the school, got Monkey, and walked most of the way home with about as much annoyance as you can imagine in those particular circumstanc...