because I really can't get enough of myself

The other day a moment from my past popped into my head.  It wasn't an especially pivotal moment or anything, but the impact is still being felt. It happened quite a few years ago.  We had lived in an apartment and gotten to know some of the other church members in the same complex.  I didn't get to know anyone really well -I'm slow at making friends- but you know, I knew who they were and had a general sense of their character and whatever.  And then we moved, and I only kept in minimal contact with a couple of the people I knew. Fast forward a couple of years. Opie was about 4 years old and I had no idea what to do with him.  He was especially Dr Jekyl/Mr Hyde-ish back then.  He could be the sweetest, most lovable, chubby cheeked cherub and then switch to crazed, destructo, demon child in a fraction of a second for very little cause.  It was also when everyone was very young - 4 kids ages 1-5 young - which just made things harder. For those w...

Once upon a time, early July 2003, I was terrified.  I had just had my first baby.  My mom was there to help me, but then something horrible happened. SHE WENT HOME. My family lived far away.  Like 18 hours in a car away.  Which felt much farther as I stood by the window, watching my mom drive away, while I clutched my newborn infant with the realization that I had no idea what I was doing with this human being I created. I don't think I had ever truly been that terrified before or since. Until now. Something new and extremely daunting now sits in my path.  It's like this giant monster that is just sitting there, blocking the entire path, and needs to be dealt with because there's no way around it. And I have no idea what to do. This thing is called " parenting a preteen ". I AM REALLY NOT EQUIP TO DEAL WITH THIS. I look into the gorgeous face of my amazing daughter who just turned 12 and I think, "I'm going to mess this up so much.  But I...

I feel like since I stopped blogging I've become much less articulate.  And my vocabulary has shrunk down to just "really" "awesome" and "whoa".  Except I like to spell it "woah", because in my head it looks better. I don't know if you know this, but I had another baby.  Seven and a half months ago.  And he's incredibly awesome.  Really.  (See?  I need new adjectives.) Here's a picture of my new baby.  We call him Spike. (If anyone is looking for a great photographer in Utah County - I can refer you to ours.) For 3 more days my kids will be the ages: 11, 10, 8, 7, and 7 months.  But then the old one turns 12 and those first four sound much less dramatic.  There's a pretty huge gap between the two youngest though, and I have to tell you - IT IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD.   I say that now, because it's true.  For now.  I might change my mind later.  But here are some of the major perks of having a bunch o...

I used to blog all the time.  And then I got burnt out.  And then blogging changed.  And now I just leave snarky comments on facebook posts and call it good. But I still miss blogging. And I miss my blogging friends. So today I will blog.  For a minute.  I guess. Let's talk about summer.  My kids are out of school now, and so it's officially summer whether or not the calendar, or solstice, or whatever, agrees.  Summer starts when school gets out - that's fact. Not all of these kids are mine....but we like to pretend. This summer I'm feeling particularly lazy.  Like, "Hey kids, go play outside by yourselves, Mommy is busy eating this popsicle".  Or "Hey kids, go play video games in the other room, Mommy wants to read these 17 books by 5:30".  Or "Hey kids, why don't you sleep in anymore, don't you know Mommy requires quiet in the mornings?" But as dominant as my laziness is right now, I also remember that my kids ar...

I have beef with homework.  I don't like it.  I know that some homework is necessary, but the amount of homework my kids have to do it ridiculous. I especially hate kindergarten homework.  I think it's unnecessary.  And, frankly, it just makes me mad. Number Four's kindergarten teacher sends home a weekly homework sheet with two small activities to do every day, plus we are required to read 20+ minutes every single day of the week.  I have nothing against reading or the small homework activities, but sometimes we are busy, with stuff like, you know, LIFE, and we don't have time to devote to writing the letter H 20 times and drawing something that rhymes with rat.  And maybe we only read billboards on the freeway that day, because, you know, LIFE. This kindergarten homework could be tolerable, and we could make up the missed assignments on less busy days, but the teacher is also sending home "bonus" worksheets that she expects my daughter to do.  ...

I have an intense fear of basements.  It's illogical at best.  (Certifiable at worst.)  I know I shouldn't be afraid of them, but basements, as a whole, creep me out. I lived in a basement bedroom for most of my childhood years.  I was afraid of them back then too.  But I figured that once I became an adult I would be impervious to such things as basementophobia.  What I didn't count on was the fact that being a grownup is pretty much like being yourself, but old.  So I'm still mostly terrified of basements. I can usually get over it and go downstairs as long as it's not dark.  Or if I'm home alone.  And if I'm home alone after the sun sets, you can pretty much put money on my NEVER going into a basement. At our last house, our 1930's house, I didn't like the basement because the original owner was down there.  He was a crotchety old dude with boots and a hat, and possibly overalls.  Of course he wasn't REALLY in the basement....

I always have to pee right before I go to sleep.  Sure, I go just before going to bed.  But then I just lay there, for hours, NOT SLEEPING. Insomnia is awesome like that. I can be completely dead tired, but I still just lay in bed, in the dark, with my brain in squirrel mode.  NOT SLEEPING. And then finally, FINALLY, my brain will be like, "ooh, sleep, yeah...." But then guess who wakes up? My big fat jerk bladder. Because suddenly it's like, "Whoa, remember that swallow and a half of water you had at 10:00?  Hey, let's go to the bathroom!"  And it's not like you want to ignore that knd of urge all night. So then I stumble the five steps into the bathroom, which jiggles my brain awake a little. And then I remember that I like to think about ghosts whenever I walk near the stairs at night, which scares my brain awake more. And then I have to turn on the light to make sure there are no giant spiders lying in wait for me behind the toilet, w...