Sep 26, 2012

stuff I found from college

We're moving to a new house.  Again.  Because that's what we do.  For the 10th time in 10.5 years of marriage.  IT'S LOTS OF FUN.  Except that it's totally not.

However

while we were packing the office tonight we found this old notebook of mine from college.  Most of it was filled with notes from my psychology class, but then I flipped to the back where I discovered some amazing gems of wisdom divined by myself and my hilarious roommates. 

My husband does not appreciate these gems, so I will share them with you.  (Who I'm sure will see them for the genius that they are.)

"Some people think that living in a socially obligated world brings on the destruction of segmented earth worms."

"Draw 4 cards in Uno always make me cry."

"I've never seen a purple cow, I never hope to see one.  But I can tell you anyhow, missed opportunities resemble bacon bits."

"One adjective evening, you were verb-ing outside when an adjective guy verb-ed by.  In passing he said, "phrase" to you.  In reply you adjective-ly said, "phrase".  So, you both verb-ed off into the sunset.  The end."

"Contrary to popular belief, penguins do not emit noxious fumes during winter solstice."

"Never the less, she left the chicken coop and ate small mammals with children, after living in a puddle full of sludge."

"If you hate the sensation of burning toe fungus, then what are you even living for?"

"Don't fight the reality of wild ducks shooting out of your nose."

"Some people say that the abominable snowman causes brain damage, but what the heck is up with Darla?"

"Magnifico, the great magician, doesn't like yellow fungi because I hate boys."

"Two lips like to take 10 minutes to cause retinal damage with a laser."

"I took two grandmas with cheese on the side."

AREN'T THOSE GREAT?!!! 

I mean, it totally makes me look like my roommates and I just sat around smoking pot during our entire college years.  But I swear we didn't.  Because we didn't need mind altering chemicals to make us awesome. 

We just WERE.

Sep 18, 2012

life makes me cranky

I am no longer planning my life.  You heard me.  I PLAN NOTHING from here on out.  No long term plans, no short term goals.  Heck, I have no idea if I'll even finish this sentence.  Because I am not planning ANYMORE.

Also, do you want to know what I think is really stupid.  Not just regular really stupid either.  Really REALLLLY stupid.  "The Secret."  I mean, I figured it was lame.  But now I know for sure.  It's really really stupid.

Also, does anyone have any experience with broken feet?  Or just one broken foot.  Not plural.  Because I think I broke one.  Because I was being stupid.  And I was trying to move a large piece of furniture over a toilet in a cramped bathroom.  And no, I'm not giving out details of that story because I already told you - I WAS BEING STUPID.  And so I dropped an armoire on my foot, and I'm pretty sure it broke.  Or was really close to broken.  And I kept it up and wrapped it and stuff for like 3 weeks, and it got better-ish.  And now suddenly, after the better-ish, it's hurting lots again.  So, what the heck?

Also, I teach a class of 9 year olds on sunday, and last week I was super cranky and I yelled at one of the girls in my class.  And I think I scared her.  But she was mocking Johnny Lingo, and I just can't handle that kind of crap.

Also, my husband knew that I was once again cranky today (ok fine - I've been cranky for like 6 weeks in a row now- SO WHAT?!) and he bought me a little plush Tardis that makes the noise.  And it's awesome.  Because sometimes my husband is awesome.  (And sometimes he's why I'm cranky.)

Also, I shattered ANOTHER glass in my sink today.  Because I think our sink is made out of some kind of space age 1930's porcelain.  We're down like 5 glasses in just over a year of living here.  I'm going to have to start drinking out of cups shaped like ducks and Mickey Mouse heads, because our plastic cups are all weird shaped like that. 

Also, an egg committed suicide in my kitchen today.  All I did was grab the carton out of the fridge, and I was just holding it when an egg forced the lid open and jumped to it's death.  And it almost hit my foot - the jerk.  I think our eggs would be less suicidal if they came from cage free chickens.

And now possibly, I'll go to bed.  But I'm not sure, because I'm not planning anything.  All I know is that I'm going to get up from the computer and maybe walk in the general direction of my bedroom.  MAYBE.  Maybe I won't.  You'll never know, because I'm all non-planning now.  My life is a big open sack of possibilities.....maybe I'll brush my teeth......maybe aliens will abduct me......will the suspense kill me?  WHO KNOWS?!

Sep 5, 2012

just another back to school post

I always have mixed feelings when my kids go back to school.  It's more peaceful for me when they're gone, but I kind of miss them.  Plus I don't get to sleep in - and that's what is really important.

My kids are in fourth, second, and all day kindergarten this year.  And Number Four should be in preschool but I made an executive parenting decision to not let her go.  Because I want her to stay here.  With me.  So we can hang out.

Number Four's special ed teachers want her to be in a 4-day a week class this year.  It's what we did in Boise with the boys, and it was super helpful and good for them.  But I'm still not letting her go.  Because I realized that it's kind of nice having just one kid around.  And she's lots of fun.  And we can go to the zoo, or play with her cousin, or hang out and put clips in each other's hair.  And she didn't really want to go anyway.  And I have lots more justifications when really I just didn't want her to be gone because she's my baby and I'm being selfish.

But I'm mostly ok with being selfish.

Especially since she's the only kid left who still thinks I'm the coolest person on earth.  All the other kids think their teachers or friends are way more awesome than me, so I'm holding onto Number Four as long as possible.

She's ok with it too.  Mostly.  Except about once a day she'll come get right in my face and say, "I am not having fun yet!  This is too boring."  So I have to find some piggy printables for her, or we play a game, or I just tickle her for a few minutes and then she's good.

Here are some pictures of my kids' first day of school (because I KNOW you want to see them):

This monkey has lots of monkey shirts to wear to kindergarten.  Because monkeys are the best.  He includes monkeys when he's saying prayers.  He'll say, "thank you for monkeys, and thank you for monkeys with glasses, and thank you for monkeys that are babies because them are so cute."  He's also always grateful for breakfast, but that doesn't include monkeys at all.


This girl's feet grew a size and a half over the summer, totally not joking.  Also we had to buy her a whole new wardrobe at the outlet stores on Labor Day because she's a giant.  Or just getting older.  Also, she made me extremely proud yesterday when she brought home an invitation to be in her school's "gifted" class for "advanced learners".  When she handed me the teacher's note at first I thought it was for special ed services, because all of my kids have required so many special services in the past.  When I realized she was being invited into a group especially for braniac kids I was so happily proud that I started crying and my kids thought I was a complete weirdo until I told them that I wasn't really crying I had just accidentally poked myself in both of my eyes. 


This one is super excited to be in second grade.  Really.  His best friend is in his class again this year, and so is the boy we carpool with who he likes to play with after school.  Also his teacher's name is Mrs. Lemon, but she's super non-lemon-like and is totally sweet to the kids.  The only reason he looks tortured in the picture is because, "Mommy the sun is bright out here!  Mommy why do you have to take pictures?!  Mommy, aaaaaah!!  MOMMMMMMY!!!!"


And here they are all together being adorable:





And there you have it.  Back to school for another year.  But now you'll have to excuse me because I'm needed in the other room to play with some piggy finger puppets  (Number Four is obsessed with pigs and answers to the name "Piggy Queen" - not "princess" - or "your royal piggy highness").