Sep 25, 2010

magazine

Alison Wonderland commented on my last post: "I'm not sure how it happened but I'm 32 and I've never even been on the cover of a magazine. Weird huh?"  Which by itself made me crack up.  But it also got me to thinking:

we need our own magazine.

We can call it, "Completely Boring Blogging Housewives of the World" and I'm going to be the first one featured.

I'll include stuff like if I've managed to brush my teeth for the day.  Or how many times I have to buckle kids into carseats on any given week day.  And possibly -if I want the feature to be horribly awesome- I'll include minute details on how I add fabric softener to my laundry.

So, clearly Alison has the next feature.  But who goes after that?  And tell me, what would you want your feature to include?

Sep 22, 2010

non-awesome-ness

Do you ever wake up and think, "THIS is my life?  What a disappointment."  And then spend the rest of the day (week/month/life) in disgust of your non-awesome-ness?

I kind of thought life would be cooler by now.

I really didn't have any humongous plans for my future.  But I knew I wanted it to be good.  I planned on excitement.  Or something resembling excitement. 

Don't get me wrong, stuff happens here.  Number Four almost fell down the stairs head first today and I had to run and catch her before, you know, splat.  But that's not really the kind of excitement I had hoped for.

I think the most exciting thing that happened to me today was when I lost track of time and left for the bus stop too late and then had to run the last half block because Opie's bus driver is hideously strict and won't let him off the bus unless I'm RIGHT THERE.  But that's not really all that exciting either.

I'm thinking about moving to a foreign country, just to add some adventure to life.  But then I'd probably just get frustrated because I don't know any other languages.  And it's not like changing poopy toddler diapers in another country makes it that much more exotic.

Man, I really thought life would be cooler...

Sep 17, 2010

I'm a geek. Deal with it.

I think I may FINALLY be kidney stone free.  Granted I've only had a day and a half of non-pain.  But still, I think it's done.  IT BETTER BE DONE.  (If my kidney is reading this - that was a command.)

I finished all 7 seasons of Buffy.  (Lots of couch time the past few weeks.)  I was going to watch all the seasons of Angel too, except that my loyalty shifted dramatically towards Spike and therefore watching Angel would have been like committing ultimate treason.

Poor Spike.  I liked him even before he got his soul back.  I was pretty much devastated when he burned up in the final episode.  Until I learned online that he just gets transferred to LA and into the Angel show.  Which now means that I MUST watch Angel.  Except that I have some mega catching up to do, in the area of normal life, from all the time spent laying on my couch in unspeakably annoying kidney pain.  But I'll fit all those Angel seasons in somehow (because I can't possibly just watch the final season without knowing all the minute details of the previous seasons - 'tis crucial, those details).

Is it horrible that I have a favorite episode of Buffy?  That's not horrifically nerdy, right?  (It's the musical one in season 6 called "One More Time, with Feeling" in case you want to look it up, watch it and love it.)

And if all this talk about Buffy the show hasn't convinced you that I'm a geek....

I also found out online today that they have a whole series of Buffy graphic novels that pick up where the show left off.  And GOOD NEWS, our public library has them!!!!!!!  I told Husband that I was going to go check out the first few tomorrow.  He just rolled his eyes and did one of those "you're such a dork" sighs.  At least I'm pretty sure he did, because we were IMing at the time and those kinds of things aren't exactly noticeable. (Unless you use emoticons, of course.  But what kind of dweeb uses emoticons?  I'm way too cool for that.)

In all my couch laying glory things were pretty neglected.  Things like taking showers or feeding my kids.  You know, just the essentials.  I did however manage to drive the kids to school on most days.  Have you ever had the thought, "I better not get into a car accident while I'm out, because if the paramedics see my hair this greasy, I'll probably have to die"?  I had a lot of those thoughts.  And also, "Why are we always out of fruit snacks?!!"

Also, I noticed little obnoxious things like how stinking slow little kids are when climbing into minivans.  Number Four is on this kick of "MEEEEEEEE" which is pretty all encompassing, but mostly when it comes to doing things for herself.  So that gets Monkey thinking, "MEEEEEEEE" and next thing I know, I have to just stand and watch as they climb into the minivan and up into their carseats which makes my brain automatically jump to thinking about Zombies and how incredibly slow they seem to crawl up things.  And by the time the kids have gotten in their seats and are facing a normal direction in which I can buckle them I've already pondered every Zombie movie made, and why are the people so afraid of the Zombies when you can outrun one pretty dang quick, because it's not like they're moving any faster than naked slugs climbing an ice cube that is also covered in molasses.

So basically, I'm a geek.  Because when given a chance, my brain likes to focus on things like vampire slayers, zombies, naked slugs and now graphic novels.  Next thing you know, I'll be dressing up like a elvin princess and attending Comicon.

Sep 10, 2010

things that raise my blood pressure:

Bees

Not that I'm especially terrified of bees.  I mean, I try to avoid them whenever confronted.  But bees alone don't raise my blood pressure.  It's the combination of bees and my children.

Our neighbors (neighbors that we don't particularly know personally) have now heard exactly how impressive Opie's screaming is.  Because he stood in their driveway for about 5 minutes raising his highest, loudest voice to the heavens in horrendous bee anxiety screams. 

Why 5 minutes?  (Since that's a pretty long time considering the amount of screaming coming out of that kid.) 

Because I was busy gathering the rest of my screaming children and all of their bikes and scooters so that we could go inside where I could beat my head against the wall repeatedly while plugging my ears and humming a mantra.

Training Wheels

Before all the bee screaming started my kids were already warming up their lungs because I made them SIT on a bike without training wheels, while I held it steady.

I'm pretty sure my kids will have training wheels on their bikes until they learn how to drive a car, and then possibly we'll have to get training wheels for the car too.

Dinner

I hate making dinner.  It's just annoying.

Ghosts

I'm pretty sure there was a ghost in my house yesterday.

I was sitting on my couch, working on my dying laptop and watching Buffy.  Three of the kids were upstairs playing the computer.  Number Four was quietly playing at my feet. 

Then I started hearing a door.  You know when you have windows open, but the bedroom door is closed, and the pull of the draft shakes the door in it's frame a little?  It was like that.  For like a full minute.  And what with my excellent ghost knowledge picked up from all of those episodes of Ghost Hunters I've watched (I'm practically an expert now), I didn't immediately panic or anything, even though I panic really well also.  I just listened. 

I was pretty sure it was my bedroom door, downstairs, just down the hall a little from where I was sitting.  It sounded too close to be upstairs.  Plus all the kids up there were pretty imersed in Curious George or something equally entertaining. 

The thing is though, we had no windows open yesterday.  Not a one.  So I figured that I would just ignore it, and pretend that it didn't happen.  (I've been practicing that concept with my kids for years, so I'm also pretty expertly about that too.) 

But then Number Four stood up, and went down the hall to check the door.  So, clearly I wasn't the only one wondering what was up.  And Number Four is two. 

So we checked it out.  It was shut.  We checked the window, just in case.  Not open.  I checked the closet and bathroom and behind the shower curtain for creepy psycho stalker rapist killers.  There were none. (phew.)

So then we closed the door, went back to Buffy and pretended that it didn't happen.  (Number Four is pretty good at pretending too.)

Of course, this isn't the first time I thought there was a ghost in the house.  It's not the second either.  It's kind of the third time.  As long as we count out the times that I'm for sure just making stuff up in my overactive morbid imagination.

Sep 8, 2010

Whitey the Second is dead

Yeah, that was fast.

But we didn't get Whitey the Third yet.  The death of a second fish in less than a week is apparently much less upsetting...to some people.  I'm thinking some kids would be upset.  But Opie just wanted to bury this one in the garden too, and then run happily along with his day.

I don't think I'll ever fully figure that kid out.



I was having serious thoughts a little earlier today.  About naked pregnancy pictures.  I was thinking, "Seriously, WHY?!!!!" 

You know those pictures where the woman is all bare chested, and the man is all bare chested and they're embracing risque-ly and things are barely being covered and people go, "Awwwwww, your belly is so......cute."  Because they're too busy thinking, "Holy cow, I can almost see a nipple, and why would you want to show that much skin when all pregnant women tend to not look super fabulous (I don't care how round and perfect your belly is)."

And then when the naked people's child is a 15 year old girl with her first crush sitting on the couch looking at the family picture album, and then comes across the naked pictures of her parents - - yeah, that's going to go over REALLY WELL.

How did the naked pregnancy pictures ever become a fad anyway?



You know that kidney stone?  It's evil.  But they tend to be that way.

I've had a lot of down time lately.  Evil kidneys require down time.  They also require all things Netflix (since I had already seen all the current episodes of Ghost Hunters International on Hulu). 

I kind of get obsessive though, when it comes to tv series and books and, oh, kind of everything.  But being obsessive is actually pretty distracting from debilitating kidney pain.  And since I've exhausted all the contemporary episodes of Dr. Who, and the big-eared-alien show Roswell, I started a new series.  Something I never thought I'd watch.  Something awesome and stupidly addictive:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

(I figured with 7 seasons of Buffy and the whatever amount of seasons of Angel, I would be set if this kidney stone decides to torture me indefinitely.)

I'm really liking it though.  Except that I'm on season 3 now, and I'm fairly convinced that it's the season of ugly pants.  But other than that, fabulous.  (In a stupidly addictive way, of course.)

However, I have come away with an extremely thought provoking question:

David Borneaz: more attractive as the younger Angel?



Or the older Seely Booth?

'Cause I'm obsessed with Bones too, and since it predated this whole Buffy thing I'm voting for the older.  Also I think I'm getting old, and therefore I guess I find older men more attractive...which is kind of sad when you think about it.

Sep 3, 2010

Whitey the Second (also I had a kidney stone this week, which was horrible, blasted kidneys)

One of our goldfish died.  I knew it was coming.  As in, from the moment I found out we were getting goldfish.  How can you not expect goldfish to kill over?  They just do.  Also, I kind of thought Whitey was sick anyway (Whitey is the goldfish, in case there was any confusion).  The edge of his fins and tail were starting to turn black. 

The worst part of Whitey's death?  He was Opie's fish.  And it was on Opie's second day of Kindergarten. 

Unrelated, you say? 

Nope.

Opie doesn't adapt well.  Or adjust well.  Or whatever you want to call it - he doesn't do it well.  He was used to going to school every day, since he was in an early intervention preschool for 2 1/2 years.  But that was at a different school.  With the same teacher, and mostly the same kids.  Every year.

New school + new teacher + new kids + dead fish = EMOTIONAL TIRADES. 

Not that he doesn't throw a bunch of those at us on a daily basis anyway - but I really didn't need him to have extra excuses for them.  So the second his fish started floating, we ran to the store and got a new one.  Seriously.  THE SECOND his fish died, we were out the door.  Because that's just too much (for me) to deal with.

And his name is Whitey the Second.

For the record: Whitey (both first and second) are orange fish with white spots, and hardly white at all.  But whatever.  I only had a hand in naming the younger kids' fish, Lasso and Shoes, which are totally more awesome.

And yeah, I had a kidney stone.  It almost killed me.  Not really.  But I hate those things.