Dec 29, 2009

I'm quizzing you

I love this picture because it is so Christmas-morning-ish. At least what I think of Christmas morning anyway...

So here's the quiz. Look at the picture and find these five things:

1- Some wrapping that doesn't belong.

2- A vintage toy that goes well with army men.

3- An opened gift that no kid really gets excited about.

4- Something to wipe your butt with (and don't say wrapping paper.....eeeew.)

5- The letter 'G'.

Leave a comment with your answers. The first person to get them all correct wins a prize!!!!

Of course I'm not sure what the prize is going to be......maybe a long distance high five......or I'll design you a free blog button or header......or maybe a gift certificate to Green Jello with Carrots......or I'll just send you a great big taco with lots of extra cheese?

Dec 24, 2009

just so you know

...the song "So This is Christmas" makes me really cynical. I cannot hear it without thinking of every line in an unhealthily sarcastic way. And what is with the "war is over" part of the song? It's just thrown in there.

...if they put a lifetime, absolute ban on the song, "Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer" I would be right there cheering on the decision.

...I can only hear "Feliz Navidad" so many times before I feel like smashing a guitar over someone's head just so they'll stop singing it.

...having the school teach our first grader the "12 Days of Christmas" is really great, especially when she has to sing THE WHOLE THING at the dinner table, or while I'm trying to do her hair, or as she cleans up her toys, or when she has two free seconds to open her mouth and start it.

...Listening to Christmas music isn't really putting me in the right mood this year.

...the Walmart Christmas commercials, on the other hand, totally crack me up.

Dec 23, 2009

some good news.....and then just news

I've been meaning to tell you this for almost a week, and Alison Wonderland just asked, so it's about time I just get it posted, yeah?

Luke and Sofie are home from the NICU!!!

They went home last friday, after 3 months in the hospital. At first they thought they would only be able to take Luke home, and they were wondering how they would handle a baby at home in Logan while keeping another baby in the NICU in Ogden - being over and hour apart would be especially tricky when you have to nurse both of them. Then they were happily surprised with the all-clear to take them both.

They're both still on oxygen, and have to remain in as germ free environment as possible (ie. no visitors.) But they are both about 5 pounds (I think....) now, which is amazing considering they weighed only 1 lb. 10 oz. at birth.

They will still have struggles to overcome in the future. Little Sofia had some hydrocephalus and brain bleeds for awhile, which could impact her development, although it's much too soon to really tell. And they are both being closely monitored for their eyes (preemie eyes=possible blindness.) But overall, they're healthy and HOME - which is the greatest Christmas gift my bro-in-law and his wife could ask for.

They are adorable babies, and hopefully when the icky sick season is over we'll get to see them. (If I tried to see them now, I would probably kill them both with the germs that seem to be never-ending at our house this winter.)

I want to thank everyone who donated, and who put their button on your blogs. I'm going to keep the fund going for a little while, but if you want to take down the buttons, that's fine.

And thanks, especially, for everyone's prayers - - these probably helped the most!

(See those crocheted blankets on top of their carseats? SEE THEM? I made those. It's almost like I'm there with them...)


In other news:

I'm almost ready for Christmas. ALMOST. My kids are getting a lot of homemade crap again. And they're also getting shoes. Because we're all about the cheap and/or functional gifts this year.

We were going to have a really full house for Christmas: my dad, step-mom, step-sister, regular sister, and my mother and father-in-law were all going to be here.

But people keep ditching us.

Yesterday my mother and father-in-law informed us that they're bailing, and today it was my sister.

What is it? Do we stink? We don't have cool enough couches to sleep on? The cheeseball is better somewhere else?

Whatever the reason, that just means there's more candy, carmel popcorn, cookies and fudge for me to eat. So I guess it works out. (Except for the shrimp that Husband's mom was bringing - he's the only one that likes it, and it's totally not in our budget, so he can suffer through a shrimpless Christmas.)


Yesterday was my 8th wedding anniversary.

We celebrated by doing the usual:


You know, even moderately sane people know not to get married 3 days before Christmas. What were we thinking?

But in honor of our anniversary, here's a tidbit of info from the BIG day:

He was 20 minutes late. We got married in the Salt Lake temple. But they wouldn't let me in without him there....probably something about marriages not actually taking place when the groom is absent.

I was really freaked out. Not about the late thing. About getting married. Seriously, if they had exit doors near the sealing rooms, I probably would have bolted while no one was looking.

The only thing I remember the Sealer Dude (what is their official title?) saying was out in the hall when he said, "Well, if you've changed your mind, it's too late now." And then he escorted us into the room. After that it's slightly blurry.

Except I do remember that when it came time for me to answer during the ceremony, I couldn't even manage a "yes." All I could get out was, "yea...." and it probably sounded more like squeak clearing it's throat.

And here I am, 8 years later. With 4 kids. A whole lot fatter. And with wrinkles. And the knowledge that marriage can really suck and sometimes be awesome....but generally not at the same time.

And here's looking forward to the next 8 years. Or eternity. Whatever.



Dec 17, 2009

shoving it all into one post (for time saving purposes, of course)

Opie is now 5.

I made him an 'Alien Slime' cake, which is just another name for 'it was 2 in the morning and I wasn't going to wait for it to cool to frost it, so everything melted, so it's a good thing I've done this before and knew to color the frosting green and call it slime' cake.

Slime must taste really good because yesterday Opie sneakily licked the cake left-overs clean, replaced the plastic wrap, and returned it to the 'high/safe' place I had it stashed. Then he denied the whole thing. Like I wouldn't notice - I mean, the thing was shiny from all the spit.


I've decided that Santa actually exists. Here's my theory:

In the beginning he seemed a jolly sort of fellow with nothing but good intentions. It was all a ploy of course, because he has always been a shrewd and greedy business man.

He worked for 50 years up in the North Pole - you know, the whole elves' toy shop and flying reindeer and ho ho ho stuff. It was a lot of work. He earned his title as the round bellied giver of gifts.

And then he stopped.

He let loose the reindeer, which were quickly eaten by polar bears. He sent all the elves to the jungle and renamed them pygmies. He grabbed a plate of cookies then sat back and watched every parent around the world scramble for the gifts their children had requested from Santa that, of course, he never delivered.

The tradition of Santa had stuck - there was no way kids were going to let that one go.

And so, to this day, sitting in his mansion, which is probably in the southern hemisphere just to be obnoxious, Santa, who's real name is Harold, does absolutely nothing leaving it all to the parents and fake-bearded mall workers, while he clears a nice little royalty off of every song, book, movie and website that mentions the words: Santa Claus.

Told you he was greedy. And I bet he hangs out with the Tooth Fairy and Bigfoot.


Last night, just after we said our family prayer, Monkey spontaneously decided to push his older sister off her knees. Then he continued to roll her around while he sang, "Boo da doo de do do da beeee."

It took us 2 full minutes to realize that he was singing the Oompa Loompa song and trying to shove Violet Beauregard the blueberry.

The cuteness meters were exploding - because that's a level of adorable that can't possibly be measured.


In closing, I will share my crafty side with you:

Teacher gifts this year. Because I don't know of a single teacher who doesn't want a clipboard rendered useless by mod podge* and ribbon.
*Mod podge is lovely for projects your kids are helping long as you want to make the whole family high from fumes in the process.

Dec 8, 2009


I think someone has hacked into my Zazzle account. Except that they were horrendously innocent hackers because all they changed is one of the models for one of my t-shirt designs.

click HERE

See the dark blue t-shirt with a pirate girl and swirls and stuff on it?

See that the models arms are super really wrinkly and old looking?

See how when you click on it, the model actually changes?

Yeah, that's my "this booty's not yours" t-shirt and someone put it on an old lady. VERY FUNNY HACKER.

(I'm also considering the option that Zazzle just got new models and it was somehow assigned to that t-shirt because they got rid of an old model, or some such scenario. Because I really doubt someone would have taken the time to hack into my account just to do this. Of course, you never know....)


This is the picture that came in second for our choice for this year's Christmas cards. Just thought you'd want to know.

Ok really, I'm building up the suspense before I announce the winner.

Not that it isn't almost 5 hours after I said I was going to actually be drawing the winner.

But hey, it's still technically the 7th for another minute, what do you want?

So let's get to it already.

I wrote everyone's name with red marker (see it laying next to that green ruler? I did that on purpose just so this post looked more festive) and then I stuck everyone's names inside...
...yes, my son's disgusting shoe. (I needed a container, I'm lazy, it was there. And your name was in a shoe, how do you feel about that?)

I closed my eyes and pulled out a name. Taking a picture with your eyes closed....not so easy.


Congrats Motherboard!! Email me your pictures, and your favorite card, and I'll get the files to you ASAP (I hope you found somewhere to get free prints!)

Dec 2, 2009

motivation to enter my giveaway

At the moment I'm writing this, I only have 5 comments on my giveaway post. And 2 of them aren't even entering. C'mon people, you can't fool me, I KNOW there are more people out there who haven't done their Christmas cards yet.

(It can't just be me....and the 3 people who entered.....who are total card procrastinators, can it?)

So, if you're wondering how you're going to get your cards printed once you get the files, boy do I have solutions for you!!!! (<--- you really need to read that in your best QVC presenters voice, it sounds so much better that way.)

There's a lot of online places that will give you free prints. Especially right now. And most places, even though they don't advertise free prints, will give them to you when you sign up just because they're so happy to get a new customer. So go and check out:

vistaprint (annoying to order from because they're always trying to offer you unrelated stupid deals through the whole process, but they have some superb deals)
costco (always 13 cent 4x6 prints and you can pick them up in an hour)

or any other place that I haven't yet used.....

Once I actually TAKE our Christmas card picture, I'll be getting 30 free prints of it, throwing it with a dorky family brag letter (I feel like making it extra braggish this year, just because we really have nothing to tell - I gotta beef it up, you know?) And shoving them in the mail.

Viola - cheapskate Christmas cards!

Now go enter my giveaway!!!!